A blank page: I have been sitting on our lounge chair writing and deleting, writing, and deleting.  I am making myself sit in this chair until I have written 800 words. Why 800 words well because it is more than fits in the Instagram caption. I am pushing myself to get back into the habit of writing more than Instagram captions. For years, I had a practice of writing multiple times a week for my blog and the words would flow. I have not written in that form for a long time – I was cutting myself off at the Instagram limit.

So, this post is a brain dump ( a garbage post if you will – listen to a podcast here on garbage posts) of all the things I thought I would write about at length. But today’s practice in writing is clearing what is in my head, not worrying about being perfect, or what makes sense, just letting it out and seeing what else comes up.

Firstly, this practice has been part of my being off Instagram which has been interesting and making me more and more curious around the observations I am making with how and where I am connecting with people, connecting with potential clients and the model of my business and how best to serve and what I am creating for myself. It is has been interesting to connect with people in my emails who never really engaged with my on Instagram, and the opposite; people I have built relationships with on Instagram and have not heard from them even with regular emails from me in their inbox. I have felt a shift in perspective in how I show up and where, I felt a stretch and some insecurities in not being on Instagram. I had a sense of security where I was posting each day on stories and seeing the people watching what I was doing, and it felt like an opportunity to be seen, and there were people who would engage and of course the people that would watch and never engage, but in my mind, it was always the chance that someone watching would eventually engage, just before I deleted the app on my phone, I felt I was relying on Instagram too much, I wasn’t enjoying creating anything on there, I was not offering value. And one thing I continually quote is that our business is how we create it.

I am getting an overhaul of my website and it has reflected to me exactly what potential clients must feel when thinking of engaging with me in a brainstorming session/ accountability session. I didn’t realize I have had available to me 2 hours a month of support from my website / IT guy, he emailed me last week asking if I wanted to use the 24 plus hours to have my website redesigned. Initially I was excited and then I cycled through the overwhelm of knowing what I want. Then the resistance of change and what that may bring. The feeling of lack of time to perfect exactly how I want to show up on my website, making the most of the opportunity to have it redesigned. I have been making notes, asking myself questions and more questions, researching and I have come to recognize this as a lesson for me in empathy for my clients in the vulnerability in opening to someone about business, in receiving support and gaining clarity in what I am creating. It has highlighted that there is no such thing as perfection, and as always to be curious, to have a go. It has highlighted mostly clarity. Clarity in asking questions to achieve what I want, clarity in the goals I have and the steps in getting there, clarity in the model of my business and how to connect with people, clarity in how I give value.

Today things I have loved: today has been summer and it is glorious; heat, humidity, sun, and clear sky, Scott cutting the grass and making our home look beautiful, while I cleared out old lettuce and feed the chickens, I planted nasturtium seeds and dead headed the roses. Something else that is glorious is the bunch of flowers Jacks girlfriend gifted me when she came to visit him.

I have started re-reading “Who moved my cheese” an amazing way to deal with change in your work and your life, while also reading a book on impressionism. I never usually read two books at once, but the impressionism book is more of study in art history. I also have a bookmark in the Women, art, and society book – I can’t seem to get past page 124. I will write a blog post on what I have read so far.  Well, that is my 800 words of garbage post.