Day 45

Day 45

Today is the worst day of this week. My whole body feels like it weights 100kgs, I am squinting to keep my eyes open and my brain feels as though it is wading through mud every time I have to make a decision or do something, my skull feels as though it is being ripped in two. I am freezing. My hands are shaking, my hearing is heightened, I feel that I can hear everything 10 times louder than usual. I am teary.

I called in at cricket on the way home this morning. First game of the season and I wanted to wish my boy luck, I didn’t get to see the start of the game, I decided I needed to get home and off the road before I killed me or someone else. I inhaled my brekky of muesli and yoghurt, a camomile tea and 2 magnesium tablets. I always take magnesium before I sleep after night duty, otherwise I get excruciating leg and feet cramps.

I was woken at 1.02pm when the boys came home from cricket. Dragging myself out of bed, I shuffled to the lounge room where the sun burnt holes in my eyes and I felt as though I was going to vomit. I rested my head on the back of the lounge and my feet sprawled across the coffee table, eyes squinting while boy one told me about his great game. After an hour I had to excuse myself and head back to bed. I woke 2.5hrs later and felt marginally better, but still tired and trying really hard to reign in my foul mood at having to go to work again.

My husband cooked a big meal of steak and salad for dinner and was highly offended that the smell and sight of steak made me want to be sick. I ate only the salad much to his disgust and headed back to bed for another 1 hour before work.

End of day 45

Last night of work

Wearing jeans to work (not allowed to, but not like anyone from management would show up on a night duty, a comfy t-shirt with a bra that crosses at the back, so when I am at my desk I can secure a heat pack on my shoulders and neck.

Day 37

Day 37.

 

Holidays are coming to an end. We went this morning to the barber for back to school haircuts, my boys are looking very sharp.

 

I had to work this afternoon, my husband worked this morning, and boy 1 was at a friend’s house, so boy 2 had to come to work with me. So that I could hand him over to his father. As we headed down the highway, and saw all the bumper to bumper traffic heading north to the coast, for the last weekend of school holidays and the scheduled long weekend. I said to boy 2 “you and dad are going to have a long drive home”. “Yes this isn’t an economical use of my school holiday hours Mum.  I told you that I should’ve stayed at home.”  I burst out laughing, who knew that my 11 year old could put a sentence like that together. Yes he had nagged me to stay home and or go next door and play the play station.

 

Work this afternoon was incredibly slow, we figured that everyone was sitting on the highway and not in our waiting room.  I worked with some of my favourite work friends today.  When you work shift work, you form some very close relationships. Some very interesting conversations are had on slow shifts.  On a night shift at 2.00am absolutely no subject is off limits.  When you are eating Sunday dinner, with the same people that you had Saturday night dinner with, you have dinner conversation like you would at home with family.  When you spend the whole Easter weekend working the same shifts, with the same people you form a strong bond.  When someone asks for a shift swap so they can go to an event for their child or go camping with friends, because they have had to say no every other time, there is no hesitation in swapping.

 

Don’t get me wrong it is not always smooth sailing. However, I am very lucky with the core group of people that I work majority of shifts with. So this afternoon in between our work, we laughed and chatted seamlessly, we are all up to date on each other’s families.  We know what everyone is doing for the weekend, we spoke of travel plans, investment properties, and we emailed ideas to one of my colleagues sons, on what to buy his godson for a gift all the way from New York. We mother lectured one of the young girls on her weekend away camping with a group of friends and boy that she likes.  We sent loving and healing thoughts to a friend with cancer. We oohhed and ahhhed over baby photos.  We sipped tea in between filing charts and letters. We walked each other to the carpark. We had a goodnight.

 

End of day 37

 

No traffic left on the highway.

 

Grateful to have healthy family and friends.

Day 14

It is 2.09am, yes 2.09am, I am at work that is the only reason I am awake at this ridiculous hour.  My friend that is coming to have lunch with me in a few hours, will laugh her ass off that I am writing at 2.09am.  When we worked together on night duty years ago, we always proof read ANYTHING that the other had written before sending any correspondence.  Cause at 2.00am after 5000 coffees and no sleep. Every single emotion is exacerbated. And there are some pretty bizarre thoughts that pop up at 2.00am.

The night so far has been constant, and the admin team is under staffed. As I was telling someone earlier, I hate night duty with the same fiery hatred that comes from the very depths of hell. But working with good staff always makes for a good night, honestly the shit that is talked about at 3.00am when you are so tired that everything is funny. Is funny in itself. I go through stages :

11.00am and am cranky, I pretty much push the afternoon staff out of the door, because I just want to get on with the night.

About 1.00am I am pushing people out of my way to get a coffee.

2.00am if I am feeling a little rant coming or need to send an email, I try and avoid sending anything at 2.00am nothing nice comes out in an email at 2.00am

3.00am I am delirious after 4 coffees and the sleep deprivation makes you feel a little drunk. And eat, oh lord do I eat, give me sugar, and crunchy things (tonight I ate/ kinda shared a packet of Allen’s party mix and chocolate coated popcorn). And no subject is of limits, and every single thing is funny, like hysterical funny tonight exploding watermelons had me nearly peeing my pants along with, tarts, whores, birth, food, tinder.

5.00am I usually have a heat pack down the front and back of my shirt. I can’t sit up straight, my eyes feels as though they have sand in them and I have been known to fall asleep in my chair.

6.30am another coffee  and I have usually got a second wind and am running around making sure that the department is pristine for the day shift.

7.00am it can vary for me at 7.00am. I am either crazy cranky and give hand over in 30 seconds and bolt out the door before I insult someone. Or will talk so much that the day shift, kick me out the door, where the sun burns my eyes, and I resemble that freaky little creature Gollum, on Lord of the rings.

Trying to sleep during the day is a whole other post.

End of day 14

The feature photo is me this morning, after night duty multitasking. Purple shampoo in my hair, eating brekky in the sun, while chatting to my kids and husband before they go off to work and school. If you look closely at the photo, my eyes are blood shot and I am actually having trouble keeping them open, not to mention the nausea of trying to eat brekky. The thought and effort of having a shower to wash my hair actually brought tears to my eyes

Had 3.5hrs sleep and had lunch with my friend that I did night duty with for years.

Goodnight