Becareful what you wish for.

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A couple of weeks ago I commented on a post I read on the Barefoot Five Facebook or Instagram account ( I can’t remember which one). The post was about women in the western world not allowing themselves to wail in the face of grief. My comment was something like: Wish I had the courage to wail, or maybe I need to wail or some such nonsense.  You have to be careful what you wish for (or comment on), because the universe will deliver. You ask for it. You get it, good or bad.

I don’t remember much of my wailing, I remember stumbling to the sanctuary of my bed and wrapping myself up in thick woollen blankets, as I curled myself into the fetal position on my right side, the white pillow case instantly wet with the flow of tears, it was 2.09pm.

 

During meditation sessions that I have tried, the instructor, speaks of breathing in and drawing up all of the negative energy from the very tips of your toes and working your way up your body until you can blow out the damaging feelings. Curled in on myself I didn’t consciously have to do this, my body, mind, soul seemed to go into auto pilot and no that I had darkness and pain to purge, I felt energy/pain from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head. The ripping, followed by hollowness in my chest, seemed to be where the beastly sounding howling was coming from. I only heard it once and then my conscious mind, plunged me back into nothingness. How do I know this? When I felt a somewhat return to mindfulness I rolled on to my left side in a hot mess of snot, tears and saliva, the red digital numbers told me it was 4.00pm. Of course Mother guilt the evil bitch was the first one to slap me in the face.  “Shit, what if my boys saw me like this”.  I tried to launch myself off the bed and be done with the wailing. It didn’t feel good or cleansing. I couldn’t get up anyway my muscles felt like jelly, my throat was raw, my mouth was dry, my eyes were swollen shut, I was surprised to look at my chest and not see a great big hole, my head felt foggy and heavy. Much easier to curl up for another half an hour.

My wailing and purging of grief lead to a series of bodily changes over the next couple of days ranging from headaches, running to the toilet every single time I ate or drank. My chest hurt and my muscles felt weak. I did however feel slightly stronger in my mind, wailing seemed to open up my throat chakra/energy and I was able to put a voice to issues and feelings that I had not ever been able to.

 

So I got my wish, I had the courage to wail and I did need it. I do feel lighter for it, it did cleanse and maybe in time I will be grateful for the experience.

 

Learn something new everyday.

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“Blogging”, lets learn some interesting facts about blogging.

The word “Blog” is a combination of web and log.

Blogging was thought to have started in the early nineties, by an American college student. Initially blogs were a platform that people used as an online diary. That has expanded now and there are some people who are able to make a living out of blogging as professional bloggers. It is thought that some professional bloggers have up to four blog sites.

This seems to make sense as it is thought that in 1999 there were about 23 blogs and know there are about 1.3 billion. WordPress and BlogSpot are the most popular blog sites with about 40% of people preferring WordPress.

Views can increase up to 94% with the use of images on your blog.

Most people read blogs in the morning between 7.00am and 10.00am

People are thought to have more trust, connection, and perceive the business as healthy and thriving if they have a blog.

Approximately a third of bloggers are mums with children under 18.

Over 80% of blogs are written in English.

Blogging has made such an impact on mainstream media, that they acknowledged that blogging and social media is changing the face of news. Richard Sambrook, the director of the BBC Global News Division, spoke at Oxford Social Media Convention, saying that, citizen journalism is something that needs to be taken into account. That this new media is delivered with transparency and that is what builds trust with consumers. He went on to say that news has to be delivered accurately and fairly and that consumers need reliable source of where the information has come from. Journalists are no longer gatekeepers of information but are having to share it in a public space.

Have fun blogging everyone.

Fly out Friday

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acceptance

Today was fly out day for us, the end of 7 days of R and R for my husband and back to work for 21 days. We have lived this routine for 2.5 years now. Some fly out days are tough, like crying and lots of emotion tough. Other fly out days aren’t as bad, still hard but, ahh you know its fly out day and we will get through. Today for me was an odd one, I was sad like emotional sad, but also ahh you know its fly out day. It was one of those r and r’s where we were disconnected and living in our own worlds and our own priorities of work, kids, sport, my husband wanting to do his thing on his days off and me just wanting to get through the week and everything that entails. Its ok to have R and R’s like this, it doesn’t happen all the time. But ahhhh you know when it does, I get to fly out day, and look back with some regret, that I didn’t try harder and some indifference, because well it is what it is. Not every time he is home is going to be a fairy tale of fabulous conversation, date days and undying love.

Over the last couple of years, I have seen our relationship morph into different forms continuously. I am not sure if that is an acute observation, because emotions run so high when we are separated for 21 days a month and then try and cram all of that pent up emotion into 7 days or if I am just more observant of our relationship. Either way having a marriage while living the fifo lifestyle can be a roller coaster. I think for me the trick is to acceptance, this is the lifestyle we have for now and to accept the time we have together for what it is. Some days will be off the charts fabulous and other days not so much.