Post 100

Post 100

I made it…………………………….100 posts. What a relief that is over. I am glad I did the 100 posts but feel as though an invisible weight has been lifted now the 100 posts are done. Thanks to everyone that has read and supported my writing, I love and appreciate you and the time that you spent reading. I wasn’t sure how I was going to end my 100 posts but I want to tell you about an experience I had yesterday.

My husband’s phone blared its annoying alarm through our camper trailer at 4.20am. I rolled over and buried myself in the blankets and said “not today”.

“Yep, come on you wanted to do this, up you get.”

It was dark and the usually busy streets of Byron Bay were deserted. Street lights were on and neon lights were lit above the motels throughout town. We made our way up the hill, commenting on the amount of people running at this early hour, up such a steep hill. We parked the car at the closest car park and walked up the hill. It was blowing a gale, I was carrying my camera and phone and was rugged up in jeans and jumper.

We were just about at the top and I wanted to take a photo of the lighthouse in the dark with my new camera. I turned it on and click not working. Shit. One main reason I wanted to come up here was to get a photo of that. I was so annoyed with myself, I kept walking but was ranting about how it could have a flat battery and disappointed that I would have to take photos with my phone. We reached the top, after watching one of the runners that I had commented on while we drove up the hill, pass us on her way back down the hill. We sat down in a little alcove of the lighthouse out of the wind and watched the sky. I started playing with my camera, because I was still baffled and annoyed at how it could have a flat battery. I looked up and the sky had changed colour. I handed my husband my camera and went to the fence surrounding the light house and took a photo with my phone. As I sat down the light from my phone lit up my camera. My husband pointed out to me that I had in the dark put the camera on the wrong setting that is why it wasn’t taking photos. I was relieved and got up and started clicking away at the first light of the day. I sat in the arms of my husband, my back to his chest and watched the sky change colour again and again. I felt so blessed to be the only ones on the most eastern point of Australia, leaning up against an icon of the Country that was built 115 years ago to guide ships and protect the shore. As the sun started to rise, the crowds at the lighthouse started to rise. At one point my husband said to me “you better go and grab a spot at the fence if you want to see it”. I stood against the white wood and metal fence, with my husband at my back, listening to people from all over the world chatting to each other, I watched them taking selfies and posting to social media. Now don’t get me wrong I posted my pictures last night to social media but at the time it didn’t feel right. I am not particularly religious, I do like to go to Christmas Eve mass, but that’s about it. But with my feet firmly planted on the ground, standing in silence and watching such a colourful and majestic sight as the rising of the sun, for me sent goose bumps over my skin, my heart felt so much love and I had tears on my cheeks. It felt like more than a new day, it felt like a new beginning, a fresh start.

Post 79

Post 78

 

I spent time on my yoga mat this morning. Stretching my muscles, my breathing, my mind.  I lost all thought and flowed, I flowed with the movements, the breath, the up and down. Letting everything go, breathing in light and energy, breathing out negativity. The breeze flowed around me in my lounge room, my hardwood floors were, where I planted my feet and followed the instruction to ground down through the earth. I bowed down and worshipped the sun, in the power sun salutation flow. I surrendered to the uncomfortable stressed feeling in my mind and body and worked through them as I :

 

1.       Breathe in, Breathe out bring hands to prayer at heart space

 

2.       Breathe in, bring hands above head, lift through chest

 

3.       Breathe out, bend forward, bending knees, bring hands beside feet

 

4.       Breathe in, take right foot back into lunge.

 

5.       Breathe out, take left foot back into downward dog

 

6.       No breath, into 8 point pose – toes, knees, hands, chest, chin to floor

 

7.       Breathe in, into cobra – lifting through chest

 

8.       Breathe out, into downward dog

 

9.       Breathe in, right leg through to hands into lunge.

 

 

10.   Breathe out, left leg through to meet right into forward bend

 

11.   Breathe in, coming up, sweep hands above head, lift through chest

 

12. Breathe out, hands to prayer at heart space.

I sweated and I repeated the sequence, my muscles quivered, my breathing laboured, it was hard work. In the final savasana, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the buzzing in my body and my energy. The rest of the morning, I was loose limbed, and relaxed, positive and motivated.

 

Post 76

Post 76

 

On a bit of a roll with writing at the moment and feeling motivated on this sunshiny Monday. Really early start to the day, after getting home at midnight last night from work. Parent/ teacher interview this morning at 7.45am. I always get nervous going to these things, bit like going to the Principals office really – not that I ever went to the principal’s office and not sure why I get nervous, the teachers are lovely . Anyway I got dressed in what I thought at the time of buying them, were a cute pair of blue overalls. When I walked past the glass doors at the school this morning, I looked like I was going to start painting the new building that is currently being constructed. I waited until 8.05am no teacher, so I left the parent/teacher interview with no interview. My husband is on a school excursion with the teacher today so he can chat to her at some point.

I did a quick pop into Woolies for more bread, milk. Had a de-brief on the phone to my bestie, made a cuppa, did some washing and got to writing. I stalked around on Facebook for a while and found a post that Daphne posted – Screw finding your passion by Mark Manson. Mark’s writing style is in your face, laced with the word fuck throughout and pretty much tells you to pull your head out of your ass and be realistic. I love it.

The common complaint among a lot of these people is that they need to ‘find their passion.’

I call bullshit. You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. Seriously, you’re awake 16 hours a day, what the fuck do you do with your time? You’re doing something, obviously. You’re talking about something. There’s some topic or activity or idea that dominates a significant amount of your free time, your conversations, your web browsing, and it dominates them without you consciously pursuing it or looking for it.

Womankind also had a similar article in Issue 10 – the one that I am published in (page 77). The article is “How do you measure your life”, by Madeleine Dore. “For modern people, stalked by their choices, the good life is a life lived to the full. We become obsessed, in a new way, by what is missing in our lives; and by what sabotages the pleasures that we seek” (this was a quote she used from the book “In missing out; In Praise of the Unlived life”, Adam Phillips.  The article prompts readers to think about how they measure their lives: Is it day by day or year by year? Do you measure the mountains you climbed or the valleys you explored? By the dreams imagined on the hopes dashed? By the wealth accumulated or by amount you have spent?

My motivation fix for today. Have a great Monday everyone.

Post 69

Post 69

Changed this challenge to 100 posts. I have for the last 4 days felt guilty for not writing. During the four day’s I would think of topics, or things that I wanted to include in each post but didn’t have the discipline to sit and write the post.

Over the past four days, I  spent time having coffee with my mum and we did a bit of shopping my heart was full after spending a few hours with her and having a chat. I also had an incredibly interesting conversation with a lady that I work with, it was her first shift back from 6 weeks on holidays. She was telling me about her solo drive around Tasmania, the haunted BnB she stayed in, the amazing seafood, the lovely people and that for 48 hours she was listed as a missing person when she was travelling through dense bushland in the mountains of Tasmania and the last words that she said to her daughter on the phone were “ I am so isolated and frightened, if anything happens to me here you will never find me.” She was actually fine after a day with no phone service and no emergency service time was wasted looking for her.

I worked two night shifts, that were horrendous and made me pissed off and frustrated with stupid people, made me angry that anybody can procreate and thankful for emergency service workers.

On Friday night and into Saturday I didn’t see my children and my arms ached to hug them, didn’t sleep well with missing them.

Sunday I had three hours sleep, while my husband and boy 2 were fishing and diving, boy 2 was incredibly sea sick and still looked a bit green when he got home. Boy 1 wrangled another night at his friend’s house and then more time going to the movies with him. He came home tired, cranky and with a severe attitude problem, that didn’t sit well with my tired and emotional state coming off night duty. I spent Sunday with one of my oldest and dearest friends, we ate cheese, drank wine, talked while our children swam and laughed and our husbands talked and drank beer, we laughed and shared dinner together with our families, and then we all made our own individual Pavlovas. It was such a simple joy for the eight of us to be in the kitchen making a treat.

Yesterday, boy 1 went on camp, we didn’t part in a great way as he absolutely hated me for sending him to camp, apparently none of the cool kids go to camp. He thought it was also uncool to take a towel, toiletries, lunch for yesterday and water. We argued all morning about packing a couple of life’s necessities and he barely said goodbye. I cried, his father was fuming and he rolled his eyes.

I loved my husband a little bit more yesterday after our disastrous morning, when he hung new curtains in our bedroom. I have wanted curtains for the longest time, but never got around to it, or didn’t want to part with an exorbitant amount of money for material that covers a window, I also quiet like waking up with the sun. Now that I am back on nights I needed curtains.

End of post 69

Getting ready for work, the weather here is hot and humid and the makeup is sliding off my face.

Boy 1 is on school camp and can’t wait until he gets home.

Feature photo is me watching the cricket after waking up from night duty.

Day 68

Day 68

 

I have written in previous blog posts that I completed a 7 day nature challenge (bloody hell me and challenges this year – at least they are positive and helping me grow) with the hope of being published in the Womankind magazine. I dashed into the newsagent, grabbed the bright yellow magazine and raced to the counter and handed over $14.95 to see myself in print. I jumped back in my car and had only a few minutes to get myself to work. I parked in the carpark and thought “I really need to take a selfie of this for the feature photo of the blog today”. So I uncomfortably snapped a couple of photos of me holding up the magazine. I took the selfies, and flipped through the magazine. Issue 10 is all about Vietnam there are  articles, photography and art work about the Asian country.  My heart was pounding and my nervous giggle came out. And then there I was in print, my words printed on the pages of a magazine that other people can read, people that I don’t know and in countries all over the world. The excitement, pride, fear and accomplishment is so addictive, it makes me just wanna tap my fingers over the keys and keep on working on my writing. To see my words in print on soft duck egg blue paper is exciting. So when I was driving in the drive way at work and passed my husband,  I stuck my head out the window and waved the magazine in his face, “I got published”.  He couldn’t stop as he had traffic behind him and I don’t think he knew what I was doing waving a bright yellow and red a4 thing in his face.

It is now 11.46. Illuminated by the stove light, I have just finished pawing over the other entries of the nature challenge. I am stoked to be among the woman that completed the nature challenge and were also selected to be published.

 

End of day 68

Really short entry today, I had hoped that I would find the magazine and be able to write about it, so hadn’t thought to write anything else.

Had Wednesday coffee with the school mum’s this morning. Paid for our Christmas holiday. Posted a photo for the #loveyourspouse challenge. It was a photo of us when I was 18 and about to board a plane to then board a cruise ship for 7 days.  After our very first major argument, I went to the travel agent and booked a holiday on my own. Had the most awful time, I was sea sick for 3 day and my luggage was lost for 4 of the 7 days

Day 67

My sister nominated me in the #loveyourspouse 7 day photo challenge on Facebook today. Even though I am challenging myself to the ridiculousness of writing and posting for 100 days, I don’t enjoy taking part in challenges. I had a dig around in our old photos that are stored in a box under our bed for something decent to post. My heart hurt and melted with love looking at and holding some of the photos from our past. I sat for a couple of hours on my bedroom floor, with a cuppa coffee and all of my beautiful memories. I found the very first photo ever taken of my husband and I, we weren’t together yet, but I liked him a lot. He was a 19 year old surfer, long blonde hair, green eyed, bad boy– with his surf board, part-time job and lots of friends. I was the sweet and very innocent 17 year old good girl that had just finished school, never had a boyfriend. I had purchased my own nice car, landed a good full-time job that paid well for my age.

We still joke and laugh about how on earth we managed to become a couple. We are complete opposites in our opinion of things and don’t have much in common. I met him at a party that he was right at home at, and one I didn’t want to go to, but was dragged to by my cousin. Then for the next few months I would see him at other parties and a couple of times when we were out at pubs, the photo that I posted was on a surf camping trip over Easter and where we actually got to know each other a little better. In the face of our differences we were never one of these on/off couples. We somehow managed to work our way through difficult times. Sometimes I think back to times that we have struggled and wondered why one of us didn’t walk away, wondered what holds us together, we have had this discussion between us. And the answer has been from the both of us that we don’t want to walk away, there is truly some days that I question why that is. Then on other days, my heart can’t imagine doing life without him. I was looking at the nearly 20 year old photo and it made my heart melt a little bit at the way that he was looking at me. He still looks at me like that, and although there are some big issues that we don’t agree on at all. There is also a thoughtfulness in our relationship, little everyday things that help bind us together.

The good morning text, a flower picked for me and on show in a vase on the kitchen table, he loves when I am at home and have cooked a nice meal (sounds old fashioned and probably sexist, but he has definitely done his share of this when I work most afternoons of the week.) going for a walk together. He says it drives him crazy every single night when I have a sip of whatever he is drinking at the dinner table, but I know he loves it.

So although I groaned and cursed my sister for this #loveyourspouse challenge, I have loved going through photos today and being reminded of why I married my husband.

End of day 67

Melbourne cup day.

Cannot believe it is the 1st November

Day 64

Day 64.

Feelin’ the love today.

 

Mum, I missed you yesterday! Are you staying home tonight?

Morning babe, please tell me you’re not working tonight!

Mum can you please pick me up from school today? I love when you are at school in the afternoon.

My bestie shared my feature blog post for askingmums (read about it here) website, on our school closed group Facebook page and there were heart felt, thoughtful comments from parents of the school about my writing.

There has been increased traffic on the blog this week.

And I have been included in an Instagram group of women from all over the world. The purpose of the group is to encourage and support each other.

A video and article on Facebook appeared in my feed today on Why women need a tribe. It was a great read and an interesting video with facts and scientific research about why women thrive and are healthier when they have the love and support of their sister tribe. It made me think of the love I receive from my sister tribe. If I have learnt nothing else from this 100 day blog challenge it is how the positive words, love and encouragement from my sister tribe has kept me on track, has made me get the hell out of my comfort zone and the encouragement has made me confident and wanting to extend myself further.

This afternoon I was in the kitchen and my husband called out from wherever he was in the backyard. “Babe, I need you down here, can you come here now”. I silently muttered about how bossy he is, and got down stairs to a wine and cheese set-up on the grass, and my husband telling me how happy he was that I wasn’t going to work today.

End of day 64

The wine that I have had tonight has me feeling the love of a pounding headache already.

 

Day 63

Day 63

This summer I am going to wear pretty dresses. I have a couple of nice summery dresses but not enough to get me through every hot day until March. I treated myself to a maxi dress with my tax return. It fits perfectly, the material is stunning, the dress draws attention and every time I wear it I get comments about how beautiful it is. It was $104 that included postage. I cannot be buying dresses at this price to fit out my summer wardrobe.

About three weeks ago, I hopped on EBay. With a passion I hate online shopping. However I found some cute dresses that are my style, I got my measurements because I didn’t want to be caught out buying a small if I needed a medium. I found a cute little dress from an online store overseas. White lace, with a neckline that sits on my collarbone and a hem that falls to my knees, slight A-line, summery and pretty. Snapped it up for the $1.99 plus free postage. I mean how ridiculous is that price?

I came home last night from work, the only light on in the house was the light over the stove. I could faintly see white material draped over the chair at the end of the kitchen table. It was my dress. This morning after dropping the boys off I came home to play dress ups with my pretty new dress. So glad that I ordered the Extra-large dress when I am usually a small to medium. Because the pretty little white lace dress with the neckline that sits on my collarbone and the hem that falls to my knees that I ordered. Is actually a pretty little white lace dress with the neckline that sits on my collarbone and the hem that falls to my barely my arse. So instead of having a new dress I have a new top.

End of day 63

Feature image is my new dress.

Another little writing beauty from my book 642 tiny things to write about from my bestie.

Write 20 things about your first car.

  1. It was a yellow Mitsubishi Colt.
  2. It was a hatchback
  3. I bought the bucket of bolts that it was to annoy my Dad.
  4. My dad hated that car with a passion
  5. My dad made me learn how to change a tyre, check the oil and water before I was allowed to learn to drive it
  6. It was for sale in the front yard of a house at Wamuran. Mum and I saw it on the way back from friends that lived in Toowoomba and every time I drive past there I think of the buzz box.
  7. It had no air-conditioning
  8. It had a great stereo
  9. A couple of days after I got it and Mum was at work I tried to learn how to reverse it myself and ended up in a tree. And dented the back of it.
  10. One of the cows that we had at home at the time sat on the left hand front panel.
  11. It would scream, everyone could hear me coming in that car.
  12. I learnt to drive in that car
  13. I took a corner in that car at about 80 kilometres an hour and my mother reminds me of this every time we go around that corner.
  14. That car drove me to school every day with my sisters, to work every Saturday, to schoolies, my first full-time permanent job, to my first boyfriends house.
  15. It used to cost me $10 to fill it
  16. It would splutter to a stop if I was stopped on a hill.
  17. The seat covers were brown
  18. My sisters learnt to drive in it
  19. It was handed down to both my sisters.
  20. I can’t remember where it ended up when my little sister finished with it.

 

Day 62

Day 62

The wall that I am standing in front of in the feature photo is the wall in my bathroom that hides my toilet. I hate this bathroom with a passion, I have said from the very first inspection of the house that it reminds me of a public toilet. I have over the years had several opinions on this monstrosity, some people have said embrace it and make it a feature, some have said knock it down and rearrange the whole bathroom. I would actually like to do a bit of both. Turn this bathroom into the “boy’s locker room” style bathroom so the wall could stay looking like a public toilet. My bedroom is gigantic, so would love my own little slice of heaven and privacy in the form of an ensuite.  A meme that I had posted on this day 4 years ago showed on my Facebook page today, and it is a prayer to children to leave their mother alone in the bathroom, that I love you, but leave me the hell alone and give me a minute of privacy once I step into the bathroom. YES this is something I crave.

Last week I was soaking in the bath, my two were playing in the backyard and I was enjoying the burning water on my skin and the lavender scent surrounding me. Two minutes, two minutes this lasted until I had one boy come running into the bathroom to pee, then the other one came in and asked me what was for dinner (roast and veg told you about 10 times now), could I make him a smoothie (no its 5.00pm- dinner will be ready soon), could I hurry up in the bath as he would like one (no go away).

I was in my own personal public toilet the other day, the bathroom door was shut. Then the door was open one of the boys was coming into fix his hair – GET OUT I screamed, then he screamed I need to fix my hair as he slammed the door.

This morning I am shaving my legs and an argument breaks out in the bathroom over an apple juice popper that was in the freezer and as to who was the owner and would get to take it to school. Once I was all smooth again and dressed, I took the popper and no one got it. This was after I fought for the mirror with boy 1 who was trying to make himself look beautiful before school, not that it made a difference and we had an argument over tucking his shirt in (he tried to tell me that he doesn’t have to tuck his shirt in because it’s summer) well I will have to show him the email I received from the school today to tell me that my son has community service because his shirt was untucked and he looked untidy.

End of day 62

Off to use the bathroom to get ready for work all by myself as my children are at school.

I am the feature blogger for this week on www.askingmums.com.au have a read of why I chose Montessori education.

Day 61

Day 61

I feel as though I need to write a disclaimer for this one. As I fear I am going to sound like a complete nutter.

Since I woke this morning I have felt very unsettled, not even unsettled just like I have energy that I don’t know what to do with, it’s kind of physical, but I also feel it in my head. Like I can’t stop thinking about something, but I don’t know what I am thinking about. And for the last two nights I have dreamt that I have given birth to a baby girl. Whenever I have this dream, something changes in my life. (Honestly it does, the first time I had this dream, my husband got a job as a fly in fly out worker the next week) The only thing that I can relate this wired feeling to, is that I feel as though I have forgotten to do something, or the feeling when you know a word but can’t remember it.

When I was having brekky this morning, small writing ideas kept on popping into my head, then a conversation that I had with a friend would show up, then I was on social media and an article that related to both was in my feed, my Instagram also seemed to be haunting me today with images that increased the feelings that I had. Like I was supposed to be linking the dots. I took the boys to school and decided that I need to just sit on the grass and ground myself, get out of my head and whatever came up, would come up. I kept coming up with all of these posts ideas I wanted to write about and felt as though I needed to jump up and start writing. I felt as though I should be researching but I wasn’t sure what. But something kept me glued to the grass. (Christ. I sound like a freak)

I pulled on my housewife role instead, I washed clothes, walls, the ceiling in the bathroom, stairs, I folded laundry and chopped onions and browned meat for dinner, and I made muffins for afternoon tea. I paid bills and tidied the office. I did the school run and have been for a walk with my husband and our dog. I called off cricket training for tonight as tonight and Sunday night are my only nights to have dinner with my family this week, my kid hates me.

As I sat down to write this post I looked to my left and Big Magic by Liz Gilbert called to me. I did my usual trick of closing my eyes and randomly picking a page. I opened to page 35. Enchantment. I will summarise this page that actually made me get chills and perhaps gave me an answer to today’s weirdness.

Ideas are a disembodied, energetic life-form. Ideas are driven by a single impulse: to be manifested. It is only through the human’s efforts that an idea be escorted out of the ether and into the realm of the actual. The idea will try to wave you down. Rarely but magnificently there comes a day when you’re open and relaxed enough to actually receive something, and then the magic can slip through. It will send a universal physical and emotional signal of inspiration. Chills up the arms, nervous stomach, the buzzy thoughts, the feeling of love or obsession) the idea organises coincidences and portents to stumble across your path, to keep your interest keen. The idea will keep you awake at night and distract your daily routine. The idea will not leave you alone, and then in a quiet moment it will ask, “Do you want to work with me?”

So this where I am up to. Maybe an idea is knocking and I don’t know what it is yet.

End of day 61

I have just re-read this and I sound like a crazy person

Congratulations to my cousin that had a baby girl today, Poppy Mable, she will never see this but spread the love and all that.

Day 60

Day 60

After burning my hands I had to call in sick to work yesterday, because I actually could not touch anything. I came to work today. I asked to be allocated to an area where I wouldn’t have to type much because of my fingers. They haven’t blistered thankfully, but they look like I have rolled my fingers in maroon ink and are stained. They aren’t particularly painful, but they are sensitive and smooth, I have burnt off my finger prints. When I wash my hands – which I do religiously because of where I work, I have a similar feeling to when I burnt them. When I type they feel tender. I made a cup of tea, the heat coming off the cup made them feel the same as when I burnt them.

It is 10.08pm I am having a cup of bad coffee while I write this and for the first time in ages I can’t think what to write. I am sick of talking about what I have done during the day (not much today, I slothed on the lounge with boy 1 this morning before work and watched Queensland and New South Wales play cricket. Boy 2 was cranky with us because he didn’t want to watch and it was raining outside and I denied his request to take him to the skate ramp. I came to work and well I worked.)

On my tea break I stalked around on my sisters and my besties Goodreads accounts to see what they have been reading as I need a new book. When in Rome, the book that I was reading was annoying me and I really couldn’t get into it, so it was put back on the bookshelf. I did find some interesting books that I will look at further when I can use my home Wi-Fi, instead of the data on my phone that seems to run out extremely quickly.

While sitting here sipping on my bad coffee that I have to drink with my right hand, I am listening to registrars think up diseases and conditions that they learnt about in medical school and will probably never see or have to treat. They are trying to remember the symptoms and treatments. I want to ask them why they are doing this, it seems pointless.

End of day 60

Typed this with two hands today, but used my finger nails to hit the keys.

Just got home to a child that is sleep walking.

 

Day 59

Day 59

I am typing this blog post with 1 hand. Last night I took a plate of garlic bread out of the oven, put it on the dining room table, and then grabbed the plate to move it further into the middle of the table. The result was me roasting four fingers on my left hand. The pain made me want to vomit, the burning agony travelled up my arm. I ran my fingers under water, clutched an ice pack and continually smothered Aloe Vera gel from our plant in the garden all over my fingers, I medicated myself on Panadol and Neurofen.  I had an uncomfortable, sleepless night and today we had cricket, groceries and I was supposed to work this afternoon, I called in sick as my tools of the trade now resemble burnt chipolatas.

Cricket didn’t last long for me today, my boy was opening bat and he was out in the first over,  he got caught off a ball that he should of left. My cricketing fanatic is having trouble settling into his new team, I am not sure if we have done the right thing by his game by pulling him from his old team. The team that he had played with for 4 seasons, was elevated to the senior’s competition this year. I wasn’t comfortable having my fourteen year old play with adult men. He is cocky and arrogant enough about his abilities and I wanted him to grow naturally with the game and his age not be shoved into an older team. The boys that he has played with for the past 4 years, played seamlessly together, they all new each other’s strengths and weaknesses, they supported each other and knew how to deal with each other when the emotion and spirit of the game was at fever pitch or they were having a hard day on the field. All the boys in that team were on par with their cricket skills and abilities, this lead them to 4 grand-finals. Being in this new team he hasn’t gelled with this new team at all. There seems to be big differences in cricketing skills in this team and he seems to have lost his passion and enthusiasm. I was thinking today as I watched him, if it was more his old team and his mateship with them that made him step up and play the way he did, because his manner and energy toward the game is not the same since we made the decision I am now not sure about. After he came home from his game of cricket this afternoon, which he was filthy with me about, because he wanted to leave when he got out. We argued because I said it is a team game you will stay until the end of play. He went and spent the afternoon with this old team, he helped them warm up and co-ordinated the batting practice and bowling with them, he hung out, talked and laughed with his mates and watched them play with the seniors. When he came home after 5 hours with them, he was like his old self, the enthusiasm, the passion and the excited conversation had returned.

Boy 2 was with me the whole day, while his brother was at cricket and his dad at work. We did the cricket run, had coffee and iced chocolate with my mum, we did the groceries. Today he was the most amazingly kind, generous and thoughtful boy, he helped his one handed mother do everything. He helped with groceries, he helped with preparing food. He didn’t complain even once. He was constantly asking if I was ok.

End of day 59

This typing with one hand is bloody hard

Going to clean and dress my burnt little fingers.

Day 58

I meet up with Marina this morning at her friends store/coffee shop Gallery B on Enoggera Road, Newmarket. We were seated on the decking for a couple of hours at the back of the building, drinking Turkish tea, talking and throwing around ideas, thoughts and details for a little project that we are going to do together. Excited to start the research for the project.

It was an incredibly warm spring day today, not sure what I was thinking this morning when I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, but by the time that I left Marina and drove the 45 minutes home I pretty much ran into my house and was ripping the denim off as fast as I could. I replaced denim jeans for denim cut offs and a really comfy cotton singlet that I only wear around the house. My brain was exhausted with so many ideas swirling around, so I curled up on my bed and fell into a glorious nanna nap, only to be woken by my phone ringing next to my head. It was my dear husband who was doing school pick-up on his way home from work. The times was 2.55pm and he was calling to tell me that he was still about 35 minutes away and to see what I was doing. In my half sleepy state, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why he was only calling 5 minutes before boy 1 had to be picked up, boy 2 was riding so he was fine. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I am doing, even when I am on night duty or have plans, school pickup is always on my mind and making sure that I will be at the school when the boys finish. I wanted to say “what the bloody hell?” “Why didn’t you call me earlier?”, “you know it takes longer than 5 minutes to get to the school!” But pick your battles and all that. So I flew down the stairs and just as I was starting the car boy 2 rode in to the yard. Anyway all was well got boy 1, and when my husband finally got home her brought me marvellous creations chocolate.

End of day 58

The feature photo is of my unfortunate school pick up outfit that I forgot to change out of because I was in a hurry to get to my kid at school and didn’t think of my clothes.

Went for a long walk this afternoon with boy 2, my husband and our dog. Again we were stopped every 5 minutes with people admiring our big dog.

Day 56

Day 56

I applied over the last few weeks, to be a guest /feature blogger for two different blog sites. Today, both accepted my proposed ideas on posts that I would like to write for them.  If you had a read of the blog post from yesterday day 55, you would understand why I am constantly chanting to the Universe,  asking for writing opportunities and occasions to meet people that can inspire, help me or offer me writing experience, applying for guest/feature blog opportunities and trying to get my writing to be known, so that I can earn money doing something that I love. Also found out today that my published writing piece for Womankind magazine will be out in stores on the 29th October. You can buy it here: Leading bookstores, 3,000 news agencies, Coles, leading art galleries, airports.

My husband was home today, so he did the school run, while I battled the peak hour traffic, to get to work, while missing out on Wednesday coffee with the girls. I was dressed in a mid-thigh length stretch material skirt (I am not a sewer so don’t know the material, but it clung to my butt and was fitted) a loose top covered the material covering my butt and a lace pair of sneakers that look like Converse but aren’t Converse. It was a simple, comfy, cute outfit. I was told I looked like I was going to play tennis, you need a filter people – you don’t need to say everything that pops into your head, I don’t even play tennis. 

Dinner was prepared and ready to be cooked when I got home and the dishes were done and kitchen clean by the time the boys were ready to leave for cricket training. The fruity and fresh, clean skin red,  that was sitting on my bench is now keeping me company while I write this and it is very fruity and while it is nice, it is kind of giving me an instant headache. Don’t want to blame the wine though, because it does taste good and it was in a great price range.

End of day 56

Off to have a Panadol, take off my tennis outfit and soak in the bath

Going to research some more writing opportunities and ideas

Day 54

Day 54

Pupil free day today. Boy 2 had to finish the last part of his book review this morning, it was a scrapbook. I am the least crafty mother on this planet. When the boys were little I NEVER had paint in the house, we never sat around cutting things out or making crafty things, no that was all reserved for their two days at the Montessori children’s house. I remember them having play doh, but we always played with it outside. So to make a scrapbook worthy of a school assignment was slightly stressful. But it looks great, there are a couple of photocopied coloured photos out of the book, he has written quotes and information throughout the scrap book amongst actual gum leaves, he has crated boarders around the pages and themed each page and written relevant informative information on each. The trick to getting him to complete this creative work! Tell him if he completes it to the outstanding column in the rubric and have it finished before I go to work.  I will get his father to call into the bike shop on the way home to pick up a new tyre for his mountain bike. Seriously this sneaky and underhanded bribery worked. He was frantically looking for scissors, glue and tape, he was photocopying interesting photos and maps to include in the scrapbook, he rifled through draws to find the Derwent colour pencils. He did a very good job in a short amount of time, there was no whinging and bitching he got stuck in and proudly showed me the finished product. I did help him a little bit with when he couldn’t decide what to include and what he thought may be relevant. I just had to find the currency that would put a rocket under him.

While this craft work session was happening at the kitchen table, boy 1 was outside with his homemade sling shot. He found the instructions and list of materials needed in the book that boy 2 was reviewing. He cut up a piece of leather and rope tied knots and spent the morning perfecting his shot. I did have to scream out to him a few times to stop shooting stones up onto my tin roof. There was also a few close calls with my glass windows.

Nice early blog post today. As I am off to work and don’t want to be sitting up at midnight again.

End of day 54

Still thinking about some of the topics, thoughts, goals and dreams that my husband and I were talking about next to the fire last night. Kind of screwing with my head but also refreshing to be so open.

Really hate working on a Monday afternoon, busiest shift of the week. I hope I am working with good staff.

Day 52

Day 52

My first game of cricket for the season today (well not me I didn’t play, boy 1 did).

I love and hate cricket season. Boy 1 is crazy obsessed with it and he is an absolute arrogant, selfish nightmare when it comes to Saturday cricket. This morning was no different he slept until 6.35am – this was after me trying several times to wake him. We need to leave by 7.00am to be at the grounds on time. He was yelling and arguing about his whites, breakfast, water, sun cream, boy 2 and I being ready to go.

We got to the grounds a few minutes late but by that point I didn’t care less and was ready to go home. Because you know 14 year olds know everything and cancer doesn’t affect them. So why do they need sun cream on a 27 degree Celsius day when they are going to be standing directly in the sun for the next 4.5 hours!

My boy is known for his bowling and has done very well with his skills over the last 3 seasons. So you know, 14 year old boys know everything so why not change to being a wicket keeper, and not use the skills that he has worked on tirelessly and driven everyone mad about for the last 3 years, to do a position he has never played before. Yes that is what happened today and I have never been the pushy parent, but I mean it made sense to me that if you have established skills and you are in a new team trying to prove yourself, would you not use the skills that you already have?? Mmm apparently I don’t have a clue when it comes to this and my boy played wicket keeper. Which seemed like a waste but, whatever. So I sat in the sun and watched like a good mum. No shade was provided by trees or any form of shelter at these grounds, I felt like I fried my face off, but the wind was cold, so I also wanted a jumper that I didn’t bring. It was a very long 4.5 hours today, because when he went in as the opening batter he was caught out after hitting the ball in the air in his second over (hitting a ball in the air is a big no, no in cricket – unless you can slog it for 6).

In the end our team won, boy 1 wasn’t happy with his game. He now has a headache because drinking water is also as uncool as sun cream.

End of day 52

I am home alone as the boys have taken Val to a car show. That they arrived for at 4.30pm for what they thought was a 5.00pm start, but doesn’t actually start until dark.

Feeling fried so going to have a soak in a coconut oil bath.

 

 

Day 51

Day 51

I am writing again at 11.31pm, but I am up late writing tonight because I met my bestie in her soon to be new home suburb of West End in Brisbane.  I parked my big car, on the street in the tiny lane, behind her home that her husband is currently renovating. I had the grand tour of the two units that will be rented and air bnb’d out. Her hubby has done a great job in transforming the units. The space that has been revamped is a perfect blend of the original building and the modern reno. I was walking on wide old floor boards with the modern light fittings above and funky bathrooms, modern kitchen with original windows and doors in the same room.

My friend loves a good walk. I should have taken this into account when I was changing outfits twenty times, because I didn’t walk to look like the Caboolture school mum, while dining in West End. The inner city suburb that is known for its style and eclectic mix of alternative and vintage, with lots of art galleries, and a great café and restaurant scene. So I dressed in black skinny jeans, a funky little jumper with a gorgeous neck line and heels. Yeah, heels not the best choice as I now have a blister on the underside of my foot running from my big toe to my little toe and I am kind of limping. We ended up at The gunshop cafe which is 1.4km from where I parked. We stumbled on this place while looking for another well-known restaurant. I am so glad we decided on this little beauty with exposed brick walls, mottled lighting courtesy of the unique light fittings and relaxed atmosphere. I had; Creamed leek risotto, Garden Greens, Persian feta, dukkah. The flavours were amazing, it was light and creamy and fresh and I loved it and savoured it slowly while chatting to my friend and sipping on Shut the Gate Shiraz x 2, followed much later by hot chocolate with brownie and ice cream.

We were the last ones to leave the funky little café. I hadn’t even noticed the time or the coming and going of other diners. I looked up just before we left and one of the staff was mopping the floor. That was how  great of a time we were having chatting about anything and everything, catching up, talking about family and friends, and work and renovations, holidays and creative ideas and study. I caught my first uber, the driver was lovely, the car was nice and clean – he got 5 stars on his review. It only took a few minutes to drive back to my car, but this totally saved my feet.

End of day 51

Off to bed because it is nearly midnight and I have to get up early for cricket.

I love simple pleasures they fill my heart with joy.

Day 50

Day 50.

50 days of writing, well sort of. There were a few days of writing that I chickened out of but they will be added to the end of the 100 day challenge. I feel like I should celebrate 50 days some how, not sure how to do that, but thought I would recap on some parts of the last 50 days, follow up on some the blog posts.

Where to start? Well the 5 days that I chickened out of writing, I found it a relief not to write and blog for a few days. I was sick of writing and reading my own babble. I was finding this writing challenge to be lonely, even though people take the time to read and comment on my posts. I was frustrated that my husband knows that I write everyday but he hasn’t read any of the blog posts. Usually this doesn’t faze me at all but this week it did.  Unfortunately the only routine to when I write is when I am on my own, the kids are at school, husband is at work, when I am on a tea break at work, after work at midnight. I write the blog posts on my phone, on my work email, on my home pc.

I wrote a post on day 43 about my favourite thongs breaking. It was a post that really surprised me. As I was writing it I felt a bit ridiculous writing about rubber thongs. But my readers enjoyed it and it was one of my most popular posts.

On day 47 I wrote about cricket training being at a time that sends my OCD dinner tendencies a bit mad.  This was exacerbated as my Dad called on the day and asked if he could stay the night. He lives in western Queensland and was coming to Brisbane for a funeral. He was a very good cricketer in his younger days and has a deep knowledge, experience and advice when it comes to most subjects and cricket is one.  He came to training with us. I was waiting all day for him to ring me and say that he would be late or that something had come up and he wouldn’t make training.  I hadn’t told my boy that Pop was coming to cricket, because I didn’t want him to experience the disappointment of Dad cancelling on him. But he shocked me and he was there and he helped my boy, he gave him invaluable tips and small adjustments to make my boy 1’s game better and kinder on his body.

On day 4 I wrote about working on my marriage and looking back on the last 50 days of writing I have skimmed over all the hard work that we are both doing in our marriage. It is definitely not all roses, but we are working the hardest we have ever worked on us. Some days suck and I am pretty sure that we hate each other, but instead of letting issues and comments brew and fester we are talking them through or texting each other if we can’t chat. Our happy place is the beach and we find it easy to reconnect, relax and enjoy each other there. There is a definite theme running through the blog in relation the beach and the ocean. With the way that we have plotted our rosters it is favourable for the boys, but definitely not great for our relationship as we pretty much high five each other on the way in and out the door. I took a sick day to travel to Northern New South Wales with him and was excited because we would have dinner together.

Another part of the 50 days that I has kept me writing is the #mesistertribe interviews

My Mum

Marina Meier

Amanda Metelli

Peta Hughes

Daphne Kapsali

What I have noticed over the last 50 days is how much more aware of the little things that I am, how I look for the positive in everyday and how I am much more observant of how I spend my time.

 

End of day 50

 

I am now on 3 days off and I can not wait to have the weekend off.

 

Thanks everyone for reading over the last 50 days.

Day 46

Day 46 

I don’t have to drive down the highway or walk into that bloody department today. I feel better today, I think I am way passed tired. I drove in to my driveway this morning to my family driving out. I cried. They were going to the skate park so I could sleep. I asked my husband to drive me to my Papas birthday lunch, he said yes. I cried. I choked down muesli and yoghurt, camomile tea and magnesium tablets then tried not to vomit it back up when I had a shower that left me light headed from the heat. I don’t remember getting into bed. I remember waking up at 9.28am thinking it was 9.28pm and that I had to get ready for work. With a racing heart and a confused head I figured it was morning not night and curled up and went back to sleep for another hour.

By the time that we got to lunch, I felt like I had a bad hang over, but had a delicious lunch and a great time spent with my family.

Today was the Bathurst 1000. I don’t know anything about cars or car racing, I really had no clue what I was watching, and it was a testament to how deliriously tired I was, that I sat on the lounge chair after a shower and changed into my pyjamas at 2.30pm and watched cars going around in a circle. I was completely into it and watched it until the winner crossed the finish line. Even had a little cry when the winner made his speech – don’t  know who he was, but I was happy for him and his accomplishments.

It is 5.15pm after our massive lunch, I have just had a dinner of avocado on toast, my husband has taken boy 1 to work and boy 2 is playing soccer next door. I am planning on being in bed in the next 15 minutes when hubby and boy 2 get home.

 

End of day 46

This is a short sweet post but has taken me forever to write.

Excited I can sleep in my bed all night.

Not taking a pyjama photo, so the feature photo is one from when I was having dinner with a girlfriend.

 

Day 45

Day 45

Today is the worst day of this week. My whole body feels like it weights 100kgs, I am squinting to keep my eyes open and my brain feels as though it is wading through mud every time I have to make a decision or do something, my skull feels as though it is being ripped in two. I am freezing. My hands are shaking, my hearing is heightened, I feel that I can hear everything 10 times louder than usual. I am teary.

I called in at cricket on the way home this morning. First game of the season and I wanted to wish my boy luck, I didn’t get to see the start of the game, I decided I needed to get home and off the road before I killed me or someone else. I inhaled my brekky of muesli and yoghurt, a camomile tea and 2 magnesium tablets. I always take magnesium before I sleep after night duty, otherwise I get excruciating leg and feet cramps.

I was woken at 1.02pm when the boys came home from cricket. Dragging myself out of bed, I shuffled to the lounge room where the sun burnt holes in my eyes and I felt as though I was going to vomit. I rested my head on the back of the lounge and my feet sprawled across the coffee table, eyes squinting while boy one told me about his great game. After an hour I had to excuse myself and head back to bed. I woke 2.5hrs later and felt marginally better, but still tired and trying really hard to reign in my foul mood at having to go to work again.

My husband cooked a big meal of steak and salad for dinner and was highly offended that the smell and sight of steak made me want to be sick. I ate only the salad much to his disgust and headed back to bed for another 1 hour before work.

End of day 45

Last night of work

Wearing jeans to work (not allowed to, but not like anyone from management would show up on a night duty, a comfy t-shirt with a bra that crosses at the back, so when I am at my desk I can secure a heat pack on my shoulders and neck.

Day 43

Day 43

 

This afternoon, I am mourning the loss of my favourite pair of thongs. They broke this morning when I was reaching up to get in to my four wheel drive. I wore these black little pieces of rubber everywhere. I bought them at Seaworld on the Gold Coast when the boys and I were there celebrating the birthday of my besties boy three years ago.  They were instantly comfortable. They didn’t need wearing in like most of the cheaper types.  There was no blisters in between my big toe and my second toe and they fitted perfectly.

Those thongs had some stories to tell, they have walked in a mothers footsteps. I wore them every day for school drop off and pick up, grocery runs, they were at all most every Wednesday morning coffee, they went to majority of the Tuesday and Thursday cricket training and every Saturday cricket game. They have been to the hinterlands of the Gold coast, Sunshine coast and northern New South Wales. They have been on beaches from the top end of the Sunshine coast to the glorious beaches of Northern New South Wales. They have stepped in cow shit, and saved me from barb like thistles in the paddocks of my sisters property in south west Queensland.

They were worn with jeans and skirts, cute little shorts, and maxi dresses. I wore them with socks in winter. They went from being too big for my boys, to, too small for my boys.

I have just re-read this and can’t decide if I am deliriously tired after my 17 hr work day yesterday or a complete bogan for writing a post about a my favourite pair of thongs breaking.

End of day 43

Back to work, I tried to have a sleep earlier and the dog started howling and a bird was tapping on my bedroom window.

Did a search for book publishers, for when I go to Europe and write a book about it. Found a self-publishing option via Hay house called Balboa press.

Love the big tree in the feature photo.

Day 25

Day 25

We had no power today. We did get notice that we were losing power, but I completely forgot. I was a bit annoyed at first, because I had planned to bake and wash and write this blog post early and search YouTube for tips on how to use my new camera. But, no power ended up being a bit of a treat. I folded washing that I had been putting off, I had a sleep, I read a trashy romance novel in the sun and listened to the baby lorikeets that live in our trees, I went for a big walk and met my second born, skater boy on his way home from school.

This afternoon after school there was a mini photo shoot in my backyard, with my new camera, my very unwilling children and me. They weren’t keen on me hanging around and taking happy snaps of them while they were skate boarding and riding bikes. My very generous husband was the complete opposite and let me experiment with my camera and his face.

I am writing this on a laptop, which I kind of find annoying, as I much prefer to type on a desktop. But I am watching Zumbos just desserts on the TV. I HATE reality TV. I never, ever watch it, but some how this has me hooked. I can’t stand the people, but the desserts are amazing. I am shocked and appalled at the way the contestants talk to each other, it’s disgusting and I just yelled “in your face” at the TV, when the only male contestant just got sent home. This is so not me, that one of my boys just got out of bed to see why I am yelling at the TV.

 

End of day 25

We have an owl in our backyard “hooting” tonight, the dog is freaked and keeps whining and will not move from the top of our stairs, and each child has got out of bed and is wanting to know why there is a loud, hooting owl in our backyard. I think it sounds beautiful and hope that it stays.

I also was just on FB, and saw that my sister was in the Country Life newspaper for her work with the ICPA – Isolated Children’s Parents’ Association. So proud of her.

Day 24

Day 24

I received a text message from my dad this morning to say that my Nan, his mum had died in hospital.

I wasn’t close to her and had no significant relationship with her. So I wasn’t overcome with heart wrenching grief when I read the text message.  I feel like an absolute bitch saying that because her blood does flow in my veins and we did spend time with her as children. But it was pleasant or memorable, it was always an effort and it was always kind of a relief to leave.

I was more worried about my dad and how he was handling the news. They didn’t have a close relationship but she was still his mum.

I feel sad though, not because I am going to miss her, but more for the residual anger, hurt and unresolved emotions and unanswered questions that are now at the forefront of the grief. And from my point of view as her granddaughter, her life won’t be celebrated genuinely from the heart by her family. It will be remembered with false bravado conducted by family that don’t know each other.

I feel sad for her and how she treated her family and the relationships that she never got to experience. She was 89 and didn’t have a good life. So it’s not like I can say “she lived a long and happy life”, because she didn’t. I obviously don’t know her side of the story or the reasoning behind the way that she treated my dad, but she wasted and completely destroyed a relationship with her eldest son, and the rest of the family.

I feel sad, because she was a very talented lady in the way of cooking, sewing, knitting, crocheting and she was a buff at history, family history and the local history of where she lived. It is such a waste that she didn’t have solid relationships, with the younger generations in her family so she could pass down all of her knowledge as the matriarch of the family.

End of day 24

Today, has taught me to continue to tell my boys how much I love them as their mother. I whispered in their ear tonight when tucking them into bed, the qualities l love about them.

Feature photo is a picture of me that my second boy took on my new camera and it was his favourite.

Day 22

Day 22.

(Disclaimer there will be foul language in this one – sorry Mum)

Writing the blog earlier today, as I have to go to work this afternoon.

I had a beautiful morning making kokedama, (it’s a plant wrapped in sphagnum moss and string) at a morning tea held for a friends birthday.

Funny story- This said friend, she is one of the Wednesday coffee, school mums. We have had some great conversations, have shared barbecue dinners at a mutual friends place (my bestie), and I have seen her around the school for years. ANYWAY, my school is having a school reunion, I was looking at the Facebook group one day and this comment pops up from my friend. I was like what? How is she in the group? I immediately clicked on her name and stalked her Facebook account and what do you know, it was my friend from Wednesday coffee. I sent her a private message, pretty much saying what the fuck. I didn’t use the “f” word, because she is so divine and doesn’t cuss like a sailor, like I am known to do. And she has 4 blonde haired little angels that don’t hear that word, and I try to be very conscious around not to swear near them. After a long conversation, we discovered we did in fact go to school together but never knew each other. So that is our own special friendship story. It was her birthday during the week and this awesome house wife and incredible mother to 4, who has a degree, a heart of gold and the most amazing baking skills, celebrated her birthday with friends and family. And in her true style gave us a gift to take home, even though it was her birthday.

The feature photo is me a complete tired, emotional, raw mess this morning – I wasn’t going to take this photo, because it is so hideous (with tears and I think there is snot hanging off the end of my nose). But, this was the relief that I felt when I read the comment that Peta’s mum left on the blog post. I posted another #mesistertribe feature last night on my friend Peta Hughes.  As I read her mum’s comment, the thought that automatically popped into my head was, thank god I didn’t fuck it up and that she recognisers her daughter in my writing.

I am in a real love /hate relationship with these features. I love interviewing and chatting to the women that I feature.  The writing for me is stressful and I agonise over it, as I am fearful that I won’t do the story justice. Then I post the feature and I literally, am in bed all Friday night, tossing and turning and thinking about sentences and changing words and my shocking grammar. This whole process is fucking with my head. The 100 day writing challenge is making me feel completely splayed open and raw, and the selfies every day make me nervous.  It is definitely, helping me deal with some of my insecurities and I feel like I am changing for the better, but sweet Jesus. My heart and mind is a mess.

I was so naive going into this I thought that I would be able to just write and post these entries and I may get some likes or comments but, I never thought that I would get the interest, the likes, comments and increase in followers that I have received. This week with the blog it has completely pushed all of my fearful buttons.

End of day 22

I actually made something crafty this morning and it looks good – not Pinterest good but still good. (craft is not my thing – but I had a hoot this morning)

I need to stop writing and get ready for work.

Day 19

Day 19.

 

Night duty recover today.

No major dramas with children starting work for the first time.

Finished work at 7am was home by 745am, may have cried with relief when I realised that my husband didn’t have to work today, meaning that I didn’t have to drive anywhere, do school pick up and he offered to cook dinner, so we took kiddies to school and then headed to do groceries to pick up some ingredients for dinner. Yeah really shouldn’t do that when you have slept for 27 hours and are starving. We now have lots and lots of food in the house, the boys were extremely happy when they got home from school today.

I have another interview on Thursday night at 7.00pm, with an author from Greece. We will be Skyping as she is still living there, love the thought of chatting to her while she is on the other side of the world. Excited and nervous to be chatting to her and couldn’t sleep today, because I kept thinking of all of these awesome questions, that I then couldn’t remember when I was a little more awake. While I spent time in my garden picking mulberries off our tree this afternoon (after I spent $5.99 on berries doing the groceries), I did think of a few questions for her, I will reassess when I have had more than 3 hours sleep though, do not want to sound ridiculous.

Don’t want to sound ridiculous, as I could have ended up looking extremely ridiculous, in my tired state today I forgot to wash out the purple shampoo in my hair – for like hours. And it was only my husband saying to me “how do you have time to wash your hair all the time, when the purple shit stays in your hair for so long?” – And cue me running to the bathroom to wash it out. It is fine and I don’t have purple hair.

End of day 19.

My husband cooked a beautiful roast meal, after running me a bath, and he also made me go for a big walk this afternoon.

Boy 2 came home from hanging out next door saying he need a shower, I looked at him in horror, because itchy grubs had got to him and he was one big welt. He is fine now.

Day 18

Day 18

I had a private message from boy 2’s best friend’s mum,  letting me know that he was an awesome friend to her daughter today and it was very much appreciated. I thought that she must be having a tough as he gave her his last avocado, he does not share avocado with anyone. But he made her guacamole at school for morning tea to cheer her up.  I mean really that is his definition of being a good friend.

So this afternoon at 4.20pm I get a call from my husband to say that my firstborns, first day of work was supposed to be today and the manager had just called to find out where our kid was.

Well panic followed this phone call. My boy is a stressor, he stresses for days and days about new things he has to do, or events that are coming up. So imagine the hysteria this afternoon. I found the number of his workplace and told him to ring and apologise and say that you are on your way.  He was as white as a sheet, but called them and told them he was on his way.  He literally threw on his uniform that his about 3 sizes too big (it was the smallest size I could order). I had 7 phone calls and 15 text messages (not joking just counted them) from my husband stressing about the whole situation, I had my highly strung kid who was completely frazzled and freaking out about being late for work and worse than that, not knowing he had a shift. This was all happening as I am trying to drive said kid to his new job, in peak hour traffic. He barely let me stop the car and he was running in the door.

Came back three and a half hours later to pick him up and he was completely high, did not stop talking the whole way home, he didn’t stop talking while eating dinner, and was yelling out to me while in the shower, when I tucked him into bed I actually had to tell him to draw breath and stop talking.

He learnt a lot, he likes the guy that is training him, he can’t wait to get paid, and he never wants to eat the food again where he works.

End of day 18.

It is 8.54pm I start work in less than 2hrs, no sleep for me.

Sad my firstborn is growing up so quickly, he looks older in the 3 and a half hours since I saw him last.

(feature photo, my first born devouring everything in the fridge after first day at work, which was actually three and a half hours)

Day 17

Day 17

 

Father’s day today.

We spent the morning at the beach and had a delicious brekky at a café down the road from where the boys had been surfing.

I sat on the beach and watched my husband and kids having ball in the water. He taught them to read the surf, how to surf, how to body board.

This afternoon I watched them fixing the wheels and trucks on their skateboards. He taught them that, he showed them how to ride skateboards, showed them how to look after them and fix them.

My dad came for a visit this afternoon and my boys automatically walked up to him, shook his hand and asked how he was. He taught them that, they see how he greets people and they copy him.

This afternoon my boys were talking to my Dad about our Valiant and the mechanics of a 1975 model car. He taught them that, he spends time explaining the mechanics of the car to the boys while they work on it.

Tonight when we had finished dinner, the boys got up and helped clean up, they cleared the table and wiped the dishes. He taught them they need to help (they roll their eyes and whinge when he is here making them do it, but when he isn’t here they do it automatically).

Before we got married, I couldn’t wait to have this man’s babies. He has been an involved and active dad since day one. He changed nappies, rocked them to sleep, taught them to ride bikes, catch balls, he has taught them manners and respect, he has taught them to look after and be responsible for the animals we have, he has shown them that men cook, clean and be the housewife while I am at work, he does the school drop off and pick up, he has volunteered and been involved in their sporting teams.

Above all with every small thing he does for them, he is showing them, he loves them and they love him.

Happy father’s day.

 

End of day 17

Found out my dad likes peanut butter and jam on a sandwich.

One detail closer to starting a project with a photographer friend.

Day 16

Day 16

Family day today. It was my niece’s 1st birthday party, she slept through the whole thing, but we celebrated for her. The party was backwards, as she needed sleep and we all wanted to see her cut the cake, so she cut up her pepper pig cake before she went for a nap. Then we feasted on chips and homemade thermomix garlic dip, salad and bbq meat for lunch, followed by birthday cake. I got to spend time with my Grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, my mum and my kids. At one stage I was having a laugh at my boy who was making a comment, about how he hates to try new things, this was after my Grandma scrunched her nose up, and refused to try a warm spinach dip. My cousin then piped up, and said she also hates to try new things. I was having a good old laugh by this point and said that my Grandma has strong genes, to be passing these traits down to the grandkids.  There is such a strong feeling of connection when you are surrounded by people, who share the same basic, familial traits as yourself. As I was eating my lunch, I was watching my grandparents who I adore, and thinking it must be such an amazing feeling to look around, at a party being held for your great-granddaughter, and see that most of the people there, are there because you feel in love with the person sitting next to you.

This afternoon, after a nanna nap, because I was exhausted from being at a 1 year olds party ( I don’t party like I used to). I sat on the phone with a glass of red, chatting, to my other sister, who lives hundreds of kilometres away. She was sipping a beer while we had a 45min conversation about anything and everything.

While cooking dinner and organising children, I then had a chat to my Dad on the phone, his phone call was interrupted by an incoming call from my husband.

End of the day and I have chatted, laughed and spent time with, the majority of the people in this world that share my blood line, and that I love.

It was a good day.

End of day 16.

I found out that my Grandma is a hoon, and loves to ride on the back of motorcycles.

And I want to thank every single person that reads my blog posts. I had a HUGE response to both of my posts from yesterday. Every single like and comment, really does mean the world to me and I am incredibly grateful that people spend their precious time showing me their love. xx

Day 15

Day 15.

 

Wife/mumma life was a tough one today. The frustrating thing though was that all of the arguing and emotional turmoil that went on and snowballed into utter ugliness was over an effing school belt.

My 1st boy runs late every single day.  Everyday single day, I have to hassle my kid into getting ready for school. Anyway when I finally dropped him off late, we were both emotional and felling like crap, I had tears in my eyes the whole way home and ended up spring cleaning both of my boy’s room’s because, I felt like a shit mother and wife and wanted to be around their stuff.  The mopping of their rooms lead to cleaning the walls, then whole house ended up getting mopped and then I had to put away the mop and bucket and the laundry got cleaned out and I had to wash my hands so the bathroom was cleaned as well.

By then it was time to do the school pick up and come home for a coffee, where I checked my emails. Womankind magazine had sent me an email in regards to my entry into the 5 day nature challenge that I participated in and THEY LOVED IT AND I AM GOING TO BE PUBLISHED IN THE NEXT EDITION.

I also posted another blog post today. I featured Amanda Metelli on the blog in the #mesistertribe. Again feeling slightly nervous about how it will be received, I hope she likes it. I loved chatting to her, she was a joy and a great motivator. Please check it out and tell me what you think.

End of Day 15.

Didn’t need to light the fire to warm our house tonight. Spring has sprung.

Going to make a cuppa herbal tea and enjoy my sparkly clean house.

Day 13

Day 13.

 

Spent this morning at the beach on a date with my husband. This was after the boy’s had been dropped at school and before my husband had to work. We went to Mooloolaba where this weekend the Ironman world championships are being held.  They event organisers started the set up for the event today. So there was streets closed and fencing running along paths and some beach accesses. This was all fine, we were happy to have an extra-long walk along such a beautiful stretch of the coast. We went for a swim in our togs with our winter bodies, alongside all the beautifully fit, toned and tanned international ironmen and women.

I spent the afternoon at the Montessori school, where my youngest boy goes to school, watching the Italian assembly that is held every year. It is Maria Montessori’s birthday today so her special day is celebrated with a Montessori expo, with gelato as a special treat.

Cricket season started for us this after school today, first training session of the season. All the boys are excited to be back and enthusiastic to start. From now until March, cricket will dominate in our house.  That is a good thing and a bad thing.

Today is a short one blog post. It is 8.07pm, I have to start work in 3 hours and I have to get ready for that and try and get a quick sleep in.

 

End of day 13.

So glad I went for a swim this morning, felt so refreshed and energetic after my freezing dip.

Need to stop typing and get sleep.

Day 12

Day 12.

 

Good afternoon.

Yesterday a lady I went to school with gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and she shared her wonderful news on Facebook. While looking at these photos on the way to my car after work this afternoon, my ovaries and heart actually ached with the maternal instinct to have more babies. I was thinking about how lovely it would be to have a baby girl to go with my gorgeous boy’s, how precious new born babies are.

Got in the car, and the song that was playing on the radio brings up very mixed memories for me. It is by Lifehouse- Hanging by a moment. The first memory I have of this song is me dressed in my white wedding dress on the dance floor with my new husband. I absolutely loved our wedding day, I was so happy, full of love and drunk on the excitement of getting married, my dream had just come true of marrying my love. We danced to this song just before we cut our wedding cake, we were surrounded by 75 of our closest family and friends.  Best night ever.

The second memory, I have of this song is the day after I came home from hospital with my first born. I was dressed in light blue flannelette pyjamas with dark blue tea cups on them. My husband of 11 months had just left for work. My c/section wound was painful and I felt nauseated. I was carrying my new born and was about to walk into the kitchen when this song came on the radio. As soon as the first note of that song hit my ears, I burst into tears and had to very carefully lower myself on the chair at the end of our dining table. I was carrying 5 day old son, who had not slept in 4 days and so I had not slept, he wasn’t feeding, nothing I did made him happy or settled. I was a 23 year old who had no idea, how to be a mother, I had no idea what I was doing and felt like such a failure, cause I didn’t even have the ability to settle my kid so that I could have a shower. I sat there holding my boy who was screaming, I was sobbing uncontrollably with milk pouring out of my boobs because I was holding my boy and he was crying. In that moment, all I could think of was our wedding and dancing with my husband who made me feel so special on that dance floor, and now look at me balling my eyes and not able to even settle my boy, let alone make him feel special while I held him.

Needless to say that this song was a definite sign this afternoon, that shut down any romantic notions of me mothering another child.

 

End of day 12.

I worked a day shift today (the feature photo is me leaving for work at 5.45am) it was actually a nice change to work during the day.

I took a chance yesterday and contacted Daphne Kapsali, the author of 100 days of Solitude. The book I am reading at the moment. AND holy shit she replied and very generously offered to feature on my blog. (I may have danced in my kitchen this morning at 5.00am)

 

Day 11

Day 11.

I took up the womankind nature challenge last week, in the hope that my writing would be accepted for publication in their next edition. So, I did my three days of spending time in nature, observing and writing my diary of how what I experienced.  My bestie offered to proof read it for me and made some great suggestions.  I took her up on all of them and it looked beautifully polished.  Logged on this morning to submit my application and was reading the terms of the challenge.

Submission

Once you have completed your five days, send your response to us at award ‘@’ womankindmag.com

The most suitable responses will be published in the next issue of Womankind magazine.

Dates

Starts: Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Ends: Sunday, 28 August 2016.

Yes read this again, and oh what a moron, it says FIVE days. THANK GOD I re-read this before my keen little self, sent off my THREE days of writing. Also very lucky that we are an outdoorsy family and could easily, write about time spent in nature over the weekend.  Great start to Monday.

This little hiccup lead to a really great day. There was an impromptu lunch thrown in with my bestie, where we sat crossed legged on her lawn, and ate salad wraps with red wine, and chatted in the way that we do. I spent time in the backyard with the family this afternoon, my two little cricket fanatics start training on Wednesday, so thought they would get a head start and practice today as well. We planted a mandarin tree, while sipping red wine and collecting eggs from my crazy chickens.  While standing under the mulberry tree, we debated the ripeness of the berries and laughed our heads off at my husband’s extremely poor attempt at lighting a bon fire. (I am the arsonist in this family).

 

End of day 11

Went for a drive to Maccas in our pj’s and splurged on $2, choc top cones after dinner.

Debating if we should replace our hot water system or buy rain water tanks.

Day 10

This morning I smothered my ash blonde hair in purple shampoo and went about my morning, cooking muffins, hanging washing, vacuuming the car, ironed work clothes. I was also watching the most important boy’s in my life. They were mowing the yard and fixing our 1975 Valiant, they were at the work bench playing with tools.  My two are growing up so fast and are maturing into real men’s men.  They love to fish, and surf and build things, work on cars, camp, play sport. And I love this side of them but I also want them to have a soft, kind and gentle side.

I never let them go anywhere unless they kiss and cuddle me goodbye, I love to curl up with them at night on the lounge and hang out. When my husband was still working away, I loved when they would sneak into my bed and sleep with me (well not the snoring or the kicking and stealing the blankets- but I did love that they still wanted to.)  I let them see me cry and get emotional and explain that it’s ok to be vulnerable. They see me walking around the house in knickers and bra and know what a women’s body looks like. They see me make an effort whenever I go out or to work with hair, clothes, and make up.  They also see me hustle, and witness the juggle of me working and also being a wife and mumma and the stress that goes with that. When we are grocery shopping they have been taught to help. They know that they are now my muscle. They know that I can carry and lift and use my own strength, but I have explained to them, that they are growing up into men and they use their muscle’s when a woman they love needs a hand.  They have lots of wonderful women that they love in their life Grandmother’s, aunties, teacher’s, friends, I have always taught them to use manners and respect.

Do not get me wrong these boys are not perfect,  and there is arguments and whinging, eye rolling and “it’s not fair”, when they have to do something they don’t want to do, but  they are children who are learning like all of us. But this morning when I went to open the back door,  and had my hands full, one of them ran over and opened the door and then took my load upstairs for me, I was so proud of him.  “love you my beautiful gentleman” I yelled up the stairs at him.

 

End of day 10.

Need to leave for work in 40 min and not at all ready.

Had a really great productive Sunday so far. Happy Sunday everyone. x

Day 9

 

Day 9

 

Today is Saturday. I worked last night until midnight and woke at 5.56am this morning to the ringing of my bloody phone. Boy 1 was calling me continually,
you know to remind me that I needed to pick him and his brother up from my Mum’s house.  (yes because of course I would forget). 

 

After a lot of – “have you got a towel?” “have you got shoes?” “put your board in the car!” “where is your towel?” “don’t forget to get your own
undies, if you don’t get your own you will be free ballin”, “hop in the car”, “where is your towel?”. We eventually got to the beach.  There was a slight westerly blowing (for our part of the world that is good for surf), the sun was shining, the water looked
as though it was a glass table with diamonds thrown across it.  I sprawled out on the beach towel, while my family went too play in the water. The waves today were perfect for body boarders and long board riders. My lot were the body boarders but I also enjoyed
watching the mal riders. It is so cruisy to watch the mal riders walk up and down the long board, hang their toes over the edge, squat on the board, one guy was trying to stand on his head. It was a great change to watching the short board riders, whip around
on the waves, snapping the board in sharp turns/ moves that can look kind of aggressive.

 

At one point I was sick of being a spectator, stripped down to my bikini’s and walked into the water where my family were playing in the water
on their board’s in full wet suit’s.  I only lasted about 10 minutes but it felt unbelievably invigorating to say the least. It was a bit of a rushed visit to the beach today, as we both had to work this afternoon.  We dropped off the boy’s to Mum and continued
on to work. Again we carpooled. I am a shocking passenger when my husband is driving, I always fall asleep. I could feel myself getting cranky this afternoon, after our rushed but lovely morning.
I  sank into the chair, put on my big sunglasses and laid my head on the headrest with closed eyes.  ANNND then hubby changes the channel on the radio, and oh he can’t hear it so turns
up the volume. I am trying to deep breathe. “did you see the price of fuel? good hey!” “mmmmm” (actually it was more of a grunt from me).
He changes the channel again, turns down the volume.  I give up sleeping and try and enjoy being chauffeured.

 

 

End of day 9.

 

I need to go to bed, because turning into a judgy cow. (especially when it involves childrens names – Jedi, Yoda and Fire I mean are you kidding me!!!)

 

It’s 8.58pm, I am going to make a coffee and have an Arnott’s biscuit.

 

Day 8

Welcome.

Less than glamorous feature photo today. One busy lady. Crazy day today, I am working this afternoon and had kids and husband to sort, house work to do and groceries to get done, 3 blog posts to write, and the third day of my Womankind nature challenge to complete.

So grateful Mum is having my two boys for me, so don’t need to worry about them after school, I know they are in good hands for the night.

I published my next #mesistertribe interview today on photographer Marina Meier. Again that evil bitch insecurity is sitting on my shoulder and same as when I posted about my Mum, I am questioning the whole post.

I was going through the post and thinking about the interview/chat I had with my creative, photographer friend Marina and the morning coffee meeting we shared. The creative energy, ideas and excitement flowed beautifully around the table where we sat. I had messaged Marina about a project I wanted to start, this was after she posted on Instagram an image of me and the words “Your story makes you special”. This was the sign I had been asking for, to let me know that my thought to interview women and nurture them into sharing a story with me was a good idea. I was enlightening her on how I love stories, that the way we were laughing, chatting, connecting, sharing ideas and encouraging each other fills my cup. And how I want other women to share with me, and like a domino effect other women then feel inspired, motivated, connected. As a photographer of women’s boudoir, Marina has the same aim.   Marina has amazing passion and a gift for capturing moments with a camera that can change how women view their bodies.

A volunteer project with Karuna hospice that Marina is working on, was a subject of our conversation as well and lead to the memories of her Grandmother. There was so many topics that I could have connected with and shared from our coffee morning, but the story of her Grandmother moved me the most. Marina’s whole demeanour changed when recalling her Grandmother.

End of day 8.

Well not really the end seen at it is 11.49am.

Carpooling with husband to work

He cooked me dinner to take to work with me.

 

Day 7

Boy 1: “Mum what is for breakfast” (every single morning, he asks this question.)

Me: “toast, muesli, weetbix”

Boy 1: “mmm can you please cook me poached eggs on toast?”

Me: “Of course”.

Boy 2: “Can I please play the PlayStation?”

Me: (laughing) “No.”

Boy 1: “are my eggs ready?”

Me: “No”

Boy 2: “Why can’t I play, the PlayStation?”

Me: “Have you finished your book review?”

Boy 2: “No”

Boy 1: “What happened to the eggs?

Me: “Nothing. They are poached like you asked.”

Boy 2: “I hate reading and book reviews”

Me: “That’s ok, you still need to do it. So start.”

Boy 1: “I hate poached eggs”

Me: “That’s ok, I just cooked them for you and you will eat them. So start”.

This was the 6.30am start of day 7. Grateful, this frustrating start didn’t set the tone for the day.

I spent time again in the garden, for the Womankind nature challenge, wrote my diary entry for that. (the feature photo, me and the big guy hanging out in nature on a tree stump.)

This afternoon just before school pick-up, I had another interview at Double Brass my local coffee shop. I honestly cannot wait to sit down and write about it.  I am loving this new little project that I have going on. I am getting positive feedback, and it is not only inspiring me but my boy’s as well. I was telling boy 1 about the interview during our after school chat in the car, sitting in school traffic.  He was so intrigued, impressed and interested in everything that I was telling him about the lady that I interviewed. (the interview is with the first lady to fire a missile in the Royal Australian Navy and will be published on the 9th September).

End of day 7

Looking forward to putting my little darlings to bed, and then pigging out on the mars bar pods that my husband left for me in the fridge.

Found a pile of wood that my husband cut for me to burn, while he is at work.

Day 6

Day 6.

 

It’s Wednesday. Wednesday means morning coffee at the local coffee shop with my bestie and some of the other mums from school.  Each Wednesday it is pot luck as to who may show and for how long, some days we linger and have multiple coffees and chat. Other days it is a short and sweet catch up. Today we had one coffee, catch-up about kids, work, holidays and new opportunities.  When I drove away from our meet up today I was so glad I didn’t have to work this morning. I have been absent the last few weeks because I have had to work during the day, my bestie has also not been at Wednesday coffee  as she too has a full-time job in the city. Today with me being off and her working until 4.00am on annual reports for work, we were able to meet for a coffee after school drop off (I was secretly and very selfishly glad that she worked until an ungodly hour, giving her the opportunity to have Wednesday coffee). Double Brass our local, must love Wednesday mornings.  On some occasions I am sure that most of the mothers from our school have shown up for a coffee and a chat. This morning I think there was 8 Mummas and 1 dad from the school.

After enjoying my chai latte and a chat, I came home and strolled around my garden. I would love to tell you about it, but it is for a piece I am writing for the nature challenge that Womankind magazine has set. Their challenge is to spend 5 minutes in nature each day from today until Friday and write diary entries about your experience, submit it by 30th August and those picked will be published in the next edition.  I ended up spending about 30 minutes in the garden and wrote about it.

I started writing this piece just before school pickup, when we got home this afternoon I was chained to the kitchen feeding my two who carried on like their throats had been cut. So I am just getting back to it now that they have full bellies, and are fast asleep. I work in my little office that is at the back of our Queenslander style home. Queenslander homes were designed from about the 1840’s for sub-tropical summers. The house is two story home on stumps, this allows the air to circulate, it is built from timber, has high ceilings, lots of windows and doors that align also helping the circulation of air and we have beautiful wide timber floorboards.  Great house for summer.  Except that today is the 24th of bloody August and my house is freezing – because of all the air that is circulating. Cold air, cause it is winter and overcast and raining.  I have the fire roaring but with 13 foot ceilings, massive rooms, lots of windows, it is cold. And I am rushing through this post, so that I can have my nice cup of camomile tea in front of my roaring fire. I find I get frustrated when trying to type quickly on a lap top and that is why I am typing this on the desk top in the cold office. Cold by Queensland standards, cloudy and 14 degrees Celsius.

 

End of day 6

Feeling slightly anxious that I have just used the last piece of firewood.

Still sniffling because Radar went home tonight on MASH (my favourite all time show)

Day 3

Day 3.

This post will be short and sweet as it is 11.41pm. I have just walked in the door from work. I am physically and mentally exhausted, I am freezing cold and my nose will not stop running. I want to go to bed.

I was driving home rocking out to AC/DC Who made who, trying to think about what I would write for this blog post. I mean I could obviously talk about the lack of discipline that I am showing already in the writing of the blog posts for my 100 day challenge. Cause well its day 3 and I am frantically writing at now 11.44pm, so that I will have a post for today.

I thought about writing about how I mentioned to my husband that I needed more lemons (cause of my head cold that is blocking up my whole head and even making my teeth sore). He went to the markets at the end of the main road this morning and came home with a lemon tree.

I also thought about discussing and doing some research on parenting siblings and how to help them deal with conflict. This morning I stood in the sun, with a cuppa of herbal tea and a box of tissues, watching them set up milk bottles and boxes as targets for their sling shots. Arguing and name calling, pushing and shoving arose and I was determined not to go and interfere so they could resolve their own conflict.  I walked away to get more tissues and they were absolute best mates again.

I could have written a whole blog post on the design of ballet flat shoes and how although pretty with a skirt and black tights, should definitely not be worn when you are working on triage and end up doing 10,000 steps for the shift.

 

End of day 3

Had a nice morning in our back yard with the family

Worked with some great people – who made me not think of sore feet.

My Mum

I interviewed my Mum.

“As a child we moved to Redcliffe when there was still dirt roads, we had to clear our own piece of land so that the house could be built.  When Grandma was pregnant with your Aunty Kelli, I would take our dog for a walk in the pram practicing for when we had a new baby.  When all the kids were born (mums 3 siblings) I would ride kilometres and kilometres to the Catholic girl’s school where you also went to primary school. I would have to ride past your fathers, Grandparents house and Grandfather would come out every afternoon on my way home, and give me a bunch of flowers for your Grandma”.

“Once we got married we never went on many holidays, only a couple of times beach camping.  Then you girls came along and your father worked all the time.”

From my point of view as the eldest daughter, Mum has handled being a wife and mother with grace, dignity and elegance. She always had the whole family’s happiness as her focus, even Dad after he had torn her heart out.

“I think that I did ok raising you girls, I mean you’re good girls who have lovely families.”

I find perception amazing.  Yes it was sad and devastating and it took a long time to adjust to the fact that we became a single parent family, and the way that happened. But it was almost a relief to just have the four of us girls at home. A decision had been made and it felt much more stress-free.

“I felt like such a failure, he left me for a women that was at one time a friend and had three daughters the same age as you three girls.”

Mum continued with routine and family traditions – like always eating our meals together, where we shared our day and what was happening, there was always something baked for afternoon tea (Mum makes the best caramel tart with whipped cream). Even through her pain, “There was some days that I didn’t have the strength to get out of bed.”  I never felt as though she let us witness those painful days, after the initial heartache had worn off. Mum always got up and presented herself in gorgeous clothes, shoes and had her hair styled.

Mum is a wonderful role model for me, she has taught us work ethic, through having her two jobs, always having an impeccable house and yard. She is also a stickler for routine, which made me feel safe as I always knew what was going on. She showed us how to be kind and generous and supportive by looking after Dad’s sisters in the palliative stages of their breast cancer journeys. She taught us to always be respectful and use manners and morals as a guide.  Mum showed grace, courage and strength by never arguing with Dad in front of us, she always remained polite and accommodating, towards him.

“I always preferred when your father came to our place, to see you girls and having you girls with me than your father taking you away. Even though every time I saw the tail lights head down the drive way, I felt like I had taken 10 steps back”.

Mum always made sure that we had everything that we could need and never felt like we went without.

“I was left with $50″.

The school swimming carnival of that year, I needed new togs Mum took me to the surf shop and brought me a pair of pink Roxy one piece togs with little flowers on them, I LOVED them. But felt bad as I knew she couldn’t afford it.

As a mother myself of two boys and fumbling my way through as a wife and mother, I can only hope that I will be half the mother and granny that Mum is.  I lean on Mum for support and guidance in the way that I mother my boys and live my wife life. Mum always offers sage advice, sometimes I don’t want it and sometimes it’s not just words that I need from my Mum. Mum has always made us kiss and cuddle each other goodbye, and sometimes even after a long chat I just need to feel like a child again and be held in Mums arms and feel her heart beating. At times just having mum cuddle me brings me to tears, knowing her support and love is always there.

 

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Why back me financially, by having to pay to read the interviews? Because I am creating a platform for me to showcase my best work, build a community and get paid to keep on creating. The more patrons in our community means more interviews, and more stories. A portion of this money will be used to pay it forward, sharing the love with other women and girls and raising their voice.

Day 1

Day 1

 

I am reading 100 days of Solitude by Daphne Kapsali, she spent 100 days on a Greek Island on her own, writing.  After reading a couple of chapters, of Daphne’s book and loving it to the point that I had to limit my time reading about Daphne’s personality traits, fears and hilarious experiences that sounded much like something that would happen to me.  I was caught up in her experience and her writing and decided to give my writing a shove and write every day, for 100 days. This is on top of the #mesistertribe project that I am doing on my blog – interviewing and writing about women and their stories – I am going to contact Daphne and see if she will chat to me. However my writing experience will be far different to her time on a Greek Island. I am not staying at a home in Sifnos, a Greek Island – I am living in our 100 year old Queenslander home in Australia. Nor am I on my own, with the neighbour’s donkey to talk to – I have a husband, 1 teenage boy and 1 pre-teen boy, 1 dog and 5 chooks. I am coming out of winter where I have had the warmth of a fire, a lovely winter wardrobe and long socks, and into spring – Daphne was going into a winter with ankle socks, an electric blanket and an endless supply of eggplant. My 100 days of writing will be funded by me working shift work 4 days a week – not Kickstarter.

So what does my first day look like?

I woke at 3.27am, I always wake early when I am working an early shift, too highly strung and can’t sleep. I tossed and turned and couldn’t go back to sleep, for the hour and a half before I had to get up and get ready for the day.

I am a routine type of girl I like the comfort of knowing what is happening when and where, I don’t cope with drastic change. I am working today in an area I don’t usually work in. There’s renovations happening so where I am working is not where it usually is either. No one knows what is going on, it is chaos. My boss overbooked the shift, so I am an extra. I pretty much begged to go home. The anarchy is stressing me out.  I can’t do my job properly, on top of the job that I can’t do, I also have the added job of sitting at a card table with a laptop, 2 phones that I have to answer, confidential documents and lists in the middle of a fucking waiting room, surrounded by about 100 people (public people – not even staff).  I know that I am stressed and annoyed with the work conditions today, but people are rude, rude and being assholes, about the changes and renovations happening like it is my fault that they have to walk an alternative route. I need a coffee, a bought coffee, a big one, and I have sworn off buying coffee this week.

End of day 1:

I paid the $4.35 for the coffee, my teen boy got B+ on algebra and my Mum cooked me dinner.