Post 100

Post 100

I made it…………………………….100 posts. What a relief that is over. I am glad I did the 100 posts but feel as though an invisible weight has been lifted now the 100 posts are done. Thanks to everyone that has read and supported my writing, I love and appreciate you and the time that you spent reading. I wasn’t sure how I was going to end my 100 posts but I want to tell you about an experience I had yesterday.

My husband’s phone blared its annoying alarm through our camper trailer at 4.20am. I rolled over and buried myself in the blankets and said “not today”.

“Yep, come on you wanted to do this, up you get.”

It was dark and the usually busy streets of Byron Bay were deserted. Street lights were on and neon lights were lit above the motels throughout town. We made our way up the hill, commenting on the amount of people running at this early hour, up such a steep hill. We parked the car at the closest car park and walked up the hill. It was blowing a gale, I was carrying my camera and phone and was rugged up in jeans and jumper.

We were just about at the top and I wanted to take a photo of the lighthouse in the dark with my new camera. I turned it on and click not working. Shit. One main reason I wanted to come up here was to get a photo of that. I was so annoyed with myself, I kept walking but was ranting about how it could have a flat battery and disappointed that I would have to take photos with my phone. We reached the top, after watching one of the runners that I had commented on while we drove up the hill, pass us on her way back down the hill. We sat down in a little alcove of the lighthouse out of the wind and watched the sky. I started playing with my camera, because I was still baffled and annoyed at how it could have a flat battery. I looked up and the sky had changed colour. I handed my husband my camera and went to the fence surrounding the light house and took a photo with my phone. As I sat down the light from my phone lit up my camera. My husband pointed out to me that I had in the dark put the camera on the wrong setting that is why it wasn’t taking photos. I was relieved and got up and started clicking away at the first light of the day. I sat in the arms of my husband, my back to his chest and watched the sky change colour again and again. I felt so blessed to be the only ones on the most eastern point of Australia, leaning up against an icon of the Country that was built 115 years ago to guide ships and protect the shore. As the sun started to rise, the crowds at the lighthouse started to rise. At one point my husband said to me “you better go and grab a spot at the fence if you want to see it”. I stood against the white wood and metal fence, with my husband at my back, listening to people from all over the world chatting to each other, I watched them taking selfies and posting to social media. Now don’t get me wrong I posted my pictures last night to social media but at the time it didn’t feel right. I am not particularly religious, I do like to go to Christmas Eve mass, but that’s about it. But with my feet firmly planted on the ground, standing in silence and watching such a colourful and majestic sight as the rising of the sun, for me sent goose bumps over my skin, my heart felt so much love and I had tears on my cheeks. It felt like more than a new day, it felt like a new beginning, a fresh start.

Post 79

Post 78

 

I spent time on my yoga mat this morning. Stretching my muscles, my breathing, my mind.  I lost all thought and flowed, I flowed with the movements, the breath, the up and down. Letting everything go, breathing in light and energy, breathing out negativity. The breeze flowed around me in my lounge room, my hardwood floors were, where I planted my feet and followed the instruction to ground down through the earth. I bowed down and worshipped the sun, in the power sun salutation flow. I surrendered to the uncomfortable stressed feeling in my mind and body and worked through them as I :

 

1.       Breathe in, Breathe out bring hands to prayer at heart space

 

2.       Breathe in, bring hands above head, lift through chest

 

3.       Breathe out, bend forward, bending knees, bring hands beside feet

 

4.       Breathe in, take right foot back into lunge.

 

5.       Breathe out, take left foot back into downward dog

 

6.       No breath, into 8 point pose – toes, knees, hands, chest, chin to floor

 

7.       Breathe in, into cobra – lifting through chest

 

8.       Breathe out, into downward dog

 

9.       Breathe in, right leg through to hands into lunge.

 

 

10.   Breathe out, left leg through to meet right into forward bend

 

11.   Breathe in, coming up, sweep hands above head, lift through chest

 

12. Breathe out, hands to prayer at heart space.

I sweated and I repeated the sequence, my muscles quivered, my breathing laboured, it was hard work. In the final savasana, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the buzzing in my body and my energy. The rest of the morning, I was loose limbed, and relaxed, positive and motivated.

 

Post 76

Post 76

 

On a bit of a roll with writing at the moment and feeling motivated on this sunshiny Monday. Really early start to the day, after getting home at midnight last night from work. Parent/ teacher interview this morning at 7.45am. I always get nervous going to these things, bit like going to the Principals office really – not that I ever went to the principal’s office and not sure why I get nervous, the teachers are lovely . Anyway I got dressed in what I thought at the time of buying them, were a cute pair of blue overalls. When I walked past the glass doors at the school this morning, I looked like I was going to start painting the new building that is currently being constructed. I waited until 8.05am no teacher, so I left the parent/teacher interview with no interview. My husband is on a school excursion with the teacher today so he can chat to her at some point.

I did a quick pop into Woolies for more bread, milk. Had a de-brief on the phone to my bestie, made a cuppa, did some washing and got to writing. I stalked around on Facebook for a while and found a post that Daphne posted – Screw finding your passion by Mark Manson. Mark’s writing style is in your face, laced with the word fuck throughout and pretty much tells you to pull your head out of your ass and be realistic. I love it.

The common complaint among a lot of these people is that they need to ‘find their passion.’

I call bullshit. You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. Seriously, you’re awake 16 hours a day, what the fuck do you do with your time? You’re doing something, obviously. You’re talking about something. There’s some topic or activity or idea that dominates a significant amount of your free time, your conversations, your web browsing, and it dominates them without you consciously pursuing it or looking for it.

Womankind also had a similar article in Issue 10 – the one that I am published in (page 77). The article is “How do you measure your life”, by Madeleine Dore. “For modern people, stalked by their choices, the good life is a life lived to the full. We become obsessed, in a new way, by what is missing in our lives; and by what sabotages the pleasures that we seek” (this was a quote she used from the book “In missing out; In Praise of the Unlived life”, Adam Phillips.  The article prompts readers to think about how they measure their lives: Is it day by day or year by year? Do you measure the mountains you climbed or the valleys you explored? By the dreams imagined on the hopes dashed? By the wealth accumulated or by amount you have spent?

My motivation fix for today. Have a great Monday everyone.

Post 69

Post 69

Changed this challenge to 100 posts. I have for the last 4 days felt guilty for not writing. During the four day’s I would think of topics, or things that I wanted to include in each post but didn’t have the discipline to sit and write the post.

Over the past four days, I  spent time having coffee with my mum and we did a bit of shopping my heart was full after spending a few hours with her and having a chat. I also had an incredibly interesting conversation with a lady that I work with, it was her first shift back from 6 weeks on holidays. She was telling me about her solo drive around Tasmania, the haunted BnB she stayed in, the amazing seafood, the lovely people and that for 48 hours she was listed as a missing person when she was travelling through dense bushland in the mountains of Tasmania and the last words that she said to her daughter on the phone were “ I am so isolated and frightened, if anything happens to me here you will never find me.” She was actually fine after a day with no phone service and no emergency service time was wasted looking for her.

I worked two night shifts, that were horrendous and made me pissed off and frustrated with stupid people, made me angry that anybody can procreate and thankful for emergency service workers.

On Friday night and into Saturday I didn’t see my children and my arms ached to hug them, didn’t sleep well with missing them.

Sunday I had three hours sleep, while my husband and boy 2 were fishing and diving, boy 2 was incredibly sea sick and still looked a bit green when he got home. Boy 1 wrangled another night at his friend’s house and then more time going to the movies with him. He came home tired, cranky and with a severe attitude problem, that didn’t sit well with my tired and emotional state coming off night duty. I spent Sunday with one of my oldest and dearest friends, we ate cheese, drank wine, talked while our children swam and laughed and our husbands talked and drank beer, we laughed and shared dinner together with our families, and then we all made our own individual Pavlovas. It was such a simple joy for the eight of us to be in the kitchen making a treat.

Yesterday, boy 1 went on camp, we didn’t part in a great way as he absolutely hated me for sending him to camp, apparently none of the cool kids go to camp. He thought it was also uncool to take a towel, toiletries, lunch for yesterday and water. We argued all morning about packing a couple of life’s necessities and he barely said goodbye. I cried, his father was fuming and he rolled his eyes.

I loved my husband a little bit more yesterday after our disastrous morning, when he hung new curtains in our bedroom. I have wanted curtains for the longest time, but never got around to it, or didn’t want to part with an exorbitant amount of money for material that covers a window, I also quiet like waking up with the sun. Now that I am back on nights I needed curtains.

End of post 69

Getting ready for work, the weather here is hot and humid and the makeup is sliding off my face.

Boy 1 is on school camp and can’t wait until he gets home.

Feature photo is me watching the cricket after waking up from night duty.

Day 68

Day 68

 

I have written in previous blog posts that I completed a 7 day nature challenge (bloody hell me and challenges this year – at least they are positive and helping me grow) with the hope of being published in the Womankind magazine. I dashed into the newsagent, grabbed the bright yellow magazine and raced to the counter and handed over $14.95 to see myself in print. I jumped back in my car and had only a few minutes to get myself to work. I parked in the carpark and thought “I really need to take a selfie of this for the feature photo of the blog today”. So I uncomfortably snapped a couple of photos of me holding up the magazine. I took the selfies, and flipped through the magazine. Issue 10 is all about Vietnam there are  articles, photography and art work about the Asian country.  My heart was pounding and my nervous giggle came out. And then there I was in print, my words printed on the pages of a magazine that other people can read, people that I don’t know and in countries all over the world. The excitement, pride, fear and accomplishment is so addictive, it makes me just wanna tap my fingers over the keys and keep on working on my writing. To see my words in print on soft duck egg blue paper is exciting. So when I was driving in the drive way at work and passed my husband,  I stuck my head out the window and waved the magazine in his face, “I got published”.  He couldn’t stop as he had traffic behind him and I don’t think he knew what I was doing waving a bright yellow and red a4 thing in his face.

It is now 11.46. Illuminated by the stove light, I have just finished pawing over the other entries of the nature challenge. I am stoked to be among the woman that completed the nature challenge and were also selected to be published.

 

End of day 68

Really short entry today, I had hoped that I would find the magazine and be able to write about it, so hadn’t thought to write anything else.

Had Wednesday coffee with the school mum’s this morning. Paid for our Christmas holiday. Posted a photo for the #loveyourspouse challenge. It was a photo of us when I was 18 and about to board a plane to then board a cruise ship for 7 days.  After our very first major argument, I went to the travel agent and booked a holiday on my own. Had the most awful time, I was sea sick for 3 day and my luggage was lost for 4 of the 7 days

Day 67

My sister nominated me in the #loveyourspouse 7 day photo challenge on Facebook today. Even though I am challenging myself to the ridiculousness of writing and posting for 100 days, I don’t enjoy taking part in challenges. I had a dig around in our old photos that are stored in a box under our bed for something decent to post. My heart hurt and melted with love looking at and holding some of the photos from our past. I sat for a couple of hours on my bedroom floor, with a cuppa coffee and all of my beautiful memories. I found the very first photo ever taken of my husband and I, we weren’t together yet, but I liked him a lot. He was a 19 year old surfer, long blonde hair, green eyed, bad boy– with his surf board, part-time job and lots of friends. I was the sweet and very innocent 17 year old good girl that had just finished school, never had a boyfriend. I had purchased my own nice car, landed a good full-time job that paid well for my age.

We still joke and laugh about how on earth we managed to become a couple. We are complete opposites in our opinion of things and don’t have much in common. I met him at a party that he was right at home at, and one I didn’t want to go to, but was dragged to by my cousin. Then for the next few months I would see him at other parties and a couple of times when we were out at pubs, the photo that I posted was on a surf camping trip over Easter and where we actually got to know each other a little better. In the face of our differences we were never one of these on/off couples. We somehow managed to work our way through difficult times. Sometimes I think back to times that we have struggled and wondered why one of us didn’t walk away, wondered what holds us together, we have had this discussion between us. And the answer has been from the both of us that we don’t want to walk away, there is truly some days that I question why that is. Then on other days, my heart can’t imagine doing life without him. I was looking at the nearly 20 year old photo and it made my heart melt a little bit at the way that he was looking at me. He still looks at me like that, and although there are some big issues that we don’t agree on at all. There is also a thoughtfulness in our relationship, little everyday things that help bind us together.

The good morning text, a flower picked for me and on show in a vase on the kitchen table, he loves when I am at home and have cooked a nice meal (sounds old fashioned and probably sexist, but he has definitely done his share of this when I work most afternoons of the week.) going for a walk together. He says it drives him crazy every single night when I have a sip of whatever he is drinking at the dinner table, but I know he loves it.

So although I groaned and cursed my sister for this #loveyourspouse challenge, I have loved going through photos today and being reminded of why I married my husband.

End of day 67

Melbourne cup day.

Cannot believe it is the 1st November

Day 64

Day 64.

Feelin’ the love today.

 

Mum, I missed you yesterday! Are you staying home tonight?

Morning babe, please tell me you’re not working tonight!

Mum can you please pick me up from school today? I love when you are at school in the afternoon.

My bestie shared my feature blog post for askingmums (read about it here) website, on our school closed group Facebook page and there were heart felt, thoughtful comments from parents of the school about my writing.

There has been increased traffic on the blog this week.

And I have been included in an Instagram group of women from all over the world. The purpose of the group is to encourage and support each other.

A video and article on Facebook appeared in my feed today on Why women need a tribe. It was a great read and an interesting video with facts and scientific research about why women thrive and are healthier when they have the love and support of their sister tribe. It made me think of the love I receive from my sister tribe. If I have learnt nothing else from this 100 day blog challenge it is how the positive words, love and encouragement from my sister tribe has kept me on track, has made me get the hell out of my comfort zone and the encouragement has made me confident and wanting to extend myself further.

This afternoon I was in the kitchen and my husband called out from wherever he was in the backyard. “Babe, I need you down here, can you come here now”. I silently muttered about how bossy he is, and got down stairs to a wine and cheese set-up on the grass, and my husband telling me how happy he was that I wasn’t going to work today.

End of day 64

The wine that I have had tonight has me feeling the love of a pounding headache already.

 

Day 63

Day 63

This summer I am going to wear pretty dresses. I have a couple of nice summery dresses but not enough to get me through every hot day until March. I treated myself to a maxi dress with my tax return. It fits perfectly, the material is stunning, the dress draws attention and every time I wear it I get comments about how beautiful it is. It was $104 that included postage. I cannot be buying dresses at this price to fit out my summer wardrobe.

About three weeks ago, I hopped on EBay. With a passion I hate online shopping. However I found some cute dresses that are my style, I got my measurements because I didn’t want to be caught out buying a small if I needed a medium. I found a cute little dress from an online store overseas. White lace, with a neckline that sits on my collarbone and a hem that falls to my knees, slight A-line, summery and pretty. Snapped it up for the $1.99 plus free postage. I mean how ridiculous is that price?

I came home last night from work, the only light on in the house was the light over the stove. I could faintly see white material draped over the chair at the end of the kitchen table. It was my dress. This morning after dropping the boys off I came home to play dress ups with my pretty new dress. So glad that I ordered the Extra-large dress when I am usually a small to medium. Because the pretty little white lace dress with the neckline that sits on my collarbone and the hem that falls to my knees that I ordered. Is actually a pretty little white lace dress with the neckline that sits on my collarbone and the hem that falls to my barely my arse. So instead of having a new dress I have a new top.

End of day 63

Feature image is my new dress.

Another little writing beauty from my book 642 tiny things to write about from my bestie.

Write 20 things about your first car.

  1. It was a yellow Mitsubishi Colt.
  2. It was a hatchback
  3. I bought the bucket of bolts that it was to annoy my Dad.
  4. My dad hated that car with a passion
  5. My dad made me learn how to change a tyre, check the oil and water before I was allowed to learn to drive it
  6. It was for sale in the front yard of a house at Wamuran. Mum and I saw it on the way back from friends that lived in Toowoomba and every time I drive past there I think of the buzz box.
  7. It had no air-conditioning
  8. It had a great stereo
  9. A couple of days after I got it and Mum was at work I tried to learn how to reverse it myself and ended up in a tree. And dented the back of it.
  10. One of the cows that we had at home at the time sat on the left hand front panel.
  11. It would scream, everyone could hear me coming in that car.
  12. I learnt to drive in that car
  13. I took a corner in that car at about 80 kilometres an hour and my mother reminds me of this every time we go around that corner.
  14. That car drove me to school every day with my sisters, to work every Saturday, to schoolies, my first full-time permanent job, to my first boyfriends house.
  15. It used to cost me $10 to fill it
  16. It would splutter to a stop if I was stopped on a hill.
  17. The seat covers were brown
  18. My sisters learnt to drive in it
  19. It was handed down to both my sisters.
  20. I can’t remember where it ended up when my little sister finished with it.

 

Day 62

Day 62

The wall that I am standing in front of in the feature photo is the wall in my bathroom that hides my toilet. I hate this bathroom with a passion, I have said from the very first inspection of the house that it reminds me of a public toilet. I have over the years had several opinions on this monstrosity, some people have said embrace it and make it a feature, some have said knock it down and rearrange the whole bathroom. I would actually like to do a bit of both. Turn this bathroom into the “boy’s locker room” style bathroom so the wall could stay looking like a public toilet. My bedroom is gigantic, so would love my own little slice of heaven and privacy in the form of an ensuite.  A meme that I had posted on this day 4 years ago showed on my Facebook page today, and it is a prayer to children to leave their mother alone in the bathroom, that I love you, but leave me the hell alone and give me a minute of privacy once I step into the bathroom. YES this is something I crave.

Last week I was soaking in the bath, my two were playing in the backyard and I was enjoying the burning water on my skin and the lavender scent surrounding me. Two minutes, two minutes this lasted until I had one boy come running into the bathroom to pee, then the other one came in and asked me what was for dinner (roast and veg told you about 10 times now), could I make him a smoothie (no its 5.00pm- dinner will be ready soon), could I hurry up in the bath as he would like one (no go away).

I was in my own personal public toilet the other day, the bathroom door was shut. Then the door was open one of the boys was coming into fix his hair – GET OUT I screamed, then he screamed I need to fix my hair as he slammed the door.

This morning I am shaving my legs and an argument breaks out in the bathroom over an apple juice popper that was in the freezer and as to who was the owner and would get to take it to school. Once I was all smooth again and dressed, I took the popper and no one got it. This was after I fought for the mirror with boy 1 who was trying to make himself look beautiful before school, not that it made a difference and we had an argument over tucking his shirt in (he tried to tell me that he doesn’t have to tuck his shirt in because it’s summer) well I will have to show him the email I received from the school today to tell me that my son has community service because his shirt was untucked and he looked untidy.

End of day 62

Off to use the bathroom to get ready for work all by myself as my children are at school.

I am the feature blogger for this week on www.askingmums.com.au have a read of why I chose Montessori education.

Day 61

Day 61

I feel as though I need to write a disclaimer for this one. As I fear I am going to sound like a complete nutter.

Since I woke this morning I have felt very unsettled, not even unsettled just like I have energy that I don’t know what to do with, it’s kind of physical, but I also feel it in my head. Like I can’t stop thinking about something, but I don’t know what I am thinking about. And for the last two nights I have dreamt that I have given birth to a baby girl. Whenever I have this dream, something changes in my life. (Honestly it does, the first time I had this dream, my husband got a job as a fly in fly out worker the next week) The only thing that I can relate this wired feeling to, is that I feel as though I have forgotten to do something, or the feeling when you know a word but can’t remember it.

When I was having brekky this morning, small writing ideas kept on popping into my head, then a conversation that I had with a friend would show up, then I was on social media and an article that related to both was in my feed, my Instagram also seemed to be haunting me today with images that increased the feelings that I had. Like I was supposed to be linking the dots. I took the boys to school and decided that I need to just sit on the grass and ground myself, get out of my head and whatever came up, would come up. I kept coming up with all of these posts ideas I wanted to write about and felt as though I needed to jump up and start writing. I felt as though I should be researching but I wasn’t sure what. But something kept me glued to the grass. (Christ. I sound like a freak)

I pulled on my housewife role instead, I washed clothes, walls, the ceiling in the bathroom, stairs, I folded laundry and chopped onions and browned meat for dinner, and I made muffins for afternoon tea. I paid bills and tidied the office. I did the school run and have been for a walk with my husband and our dog. I called off cricket training for tonight as tonight and Sunday night are my only nights to have dinner with my family this week, my kid hates me.

As I sat down to write this post I looked to my left and Big Magic by Liz Gilbert called to me. I did my usual trick of closing my eyes and randomly picking a page. I opened to page 35. Enchantment. I will summarise this page that actually made me get chills and perhaps gave me an answer to today’s weirdness.

Ideas are a disembodied, energetic life-form. Ideas are driven by a single impulse: to be manifested. It is only through the human’s efforts that an idea be escorted out of the ether and into the realm of the actual. The idea will try to wave you down. Rarely but magnificently there comes a day when you’re open and relaxed enough to actually receive something, and then the magic can slip through. It will send a universal physical and emotional signal of inspiration. Chills up the arms, nervous stomach, the buzzy thoughts, the feeling of love or obsession) the idea organises coincidences and portents to stumble across your path, to keep your interest keen. The idea will keep you awake at night and distract your daily routine. The idea will not leave you alone, and then in a quiet moment it will ask, “Do you want to work with me?”

So this where I am up to. Maybe an idea is knocking and I don’t know what it is yet.

End of day 61

I have just re-read this and I sound like a crazy person

Congratulations to my cousin that had a baby girl today, Poppy Mable, she will never see this but spread the love and all that.