Last night I launched LUV. I waited until my family was all in bed and took a seat in my office, breathed out the annoying day that I had, and pressed the preview/launch button, then the little green go live button. I thought going live with my project, would hold a little more ceremony than it actually did. I was too nervous and tired, and in true me style I pressed the launch button, took a quick snap shot of the confetti and the congratulations banner displayed on the screen from Patreon, then I promptly shut down the computer, turned off my phone and crawled into bed. I make these decisions to do something besides wifeing, mothering and being a receptionist and then I freak out. Much the same as when I decided over a couple of bottles of wine and encouragement from my best friend that I would sign up for a degree on line. Sounds exciting in theory when my brain was swimming in Merlot to study writing and publishing. Then when the unit went live and I actually had to start the work, the assignments and exams and I completely freaked out. Honestly, I couldn’t answer my phone when said friend called me that day, my kids had toasted sandwiches for dinner, while I stared at the computer screen with the unit outline on the screen and wanted to vomit.
This morning I got up and knew I need to get on here and write a post to say that I have gone live and want everyone to share my campaign and read the interviews that I have done and will be posting. Still slightly freaking out though, so did the school run, got a haircut, cleaned my kids rooms, washed, vacuumed and now have left it to the last minute before I get ready for work. Don’t get me wrong I am very excited about this project and I love every woman that I have interviewed and am so looking forward to the interviews scheduled for the next few weeks. I am just a nervous nelly and need to just feel the newness and the terrifying feeling of this new project. I watched a Youtube video of Oprah on Sunday. She was talking about making decisions to move forward and make positive change and influence to the world and your life, she kept referring to our internal GPS. To always check in with yourself and see what your internal GPS is telling you. That sometimes you won’t listen to it and take the wrong turn but ultimately you will end at your destination. To accept the fear and feel it and if you are causing no harm and progressing then learn from the mistakes, and let them make you stronger.
So in my mind I have two references for my internal GPS. We went away on the weekend and the weekend involved four wheel driving through sand tracks that lead to a beach access so we would eventually end up driving on the beach. Our GPS took us on the completely wrong track, there were huge ruts in the sand, not another car in sight, there were logs to drive over and branches reaching out over the track that scratched our car. All of this ended with the beach in sight but we had to make it down a near vertical sand dune, with a water hole at the bottom. I cried, I wanted to vomit, I had to direct my husband down the vertical dune, I could barely speak with fear that he would meet a sandy death, in our four wheel drive. We then had to be pulled out of the water by the local ranger, who was kind and generous and had a laugh about our predicament. He was horrified when I asked him how much the fine would be. “No way, I won’t fine you this is the fun part of the job”.
The other reference is when I check my GPS to see how long my run to work will be and it always gets me there on time and in the least amount of traffic. So easy, stress free.
I don’t have any of these feelings with launching LUV, I am running somewhere in the middle of both of these at the moment. Freaking out and excited.