I feel as though I need to write a disclaimer for this one. As I fear I am going to sound like a complete nutter.
Since I woke this morning I have felt very unsettled, not even unsettled just like I have energy that I don’t know what to do with, it’s kind of physical, but I also feel it in my head. Like I can’t stop thinking about something, but I don’t know what I am thinking about. And for the last two nights I have dreamt that I have given birth to a baby girl. Whenever I have this dream, something changes in my life. (Honestly it does, the first time I had this dream, my husband got a job as a fly in fly out worker the next week) The only thing that I can relate this wired feeling to, is that I feel as though I have forgotten to do something, or the feeling when you know a word but can’t remember it.
When I was having brekky this morning, small writing ideas kept on popping into my head, then a conversation that I had with a friend would show up, then I was on social media and an article that related to both was in my feed, my Instagram also seemed to be haunting me today with images that increased the feelings that I had. Like I was supposed to be linking the dots. I took the boys to school and decided that I need to just sit on the grass and ground myself, get out of my head and whatever came up, would come up. I kept coming up with all of these posts ideas I wanted to write about and felt as though I needed to jump up and start writing. I felt as though I should be researching but I wasn’t sure what. But something kept me glued to the grass. (Christ. I sound like a freak)
I pulled on my housewife role instead, I washed clothes, walls, the ceiling in the bathroom, stairs, I folded laundry and chopped onions and browned meat for dinner, and I made muffins for afternoon tea. I paid bills and tidied the office. I did the school run and have been for a walk with my husband and our dog. I called off cricket training for tonight as tonight and Sunday night are my only nights to have dinner with my family this week, my kid hates me.
As I sat down to write this post I looked to my left and Big Magic by Liz Gilbert called to me. I did my usual trick of closing my eyes and randomly picking a page. I opened to page 35. Enchantment. I will summarise this page that actually made me get chills and perhaps gave me an answer to today’s weirdness.
Ideas are a disembodied, energetic life-form. Ideas are driven by a single impulse: to be manifested. It is only through the human’s efforts that an idea be escorted out of the ether and into the realm of the actual. The idea will try to wave you down. Rarely but magnificently there comes a day when you’re open and relaxed enough to actually receive something, and then the magic can slip through. It will send a universal physical and emotional signal of inspiration. Chills up the arms, nervous stomach, the buzzy thoughts, the feeling of love or obsession) the idea organises coincidences and portents to stumble across your path, to keep your interest keen. The idea will keep you awake at night and distract your daily routine. The idea will not leave you alone, and then in a quiet moment it will ask, “Do you want to work with me?”
So this where I am up to. Maybe an idea is knocking and I don’t know what it is yet.
End of day 61
I have just re-read this and I sound like a crazy person
Congratulations to my cousin that had a baby girl today, Poppy Mable, she will never see this but spread the love and all that.